*Stick-on jewels can bedazzle any genitalia—just ask the World Famous *BOB*, pictured above.—Shayna Courtney

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Photographs: Jolie Ruben

You don’t have to don your fanny pack, roam in sidewalk-blocking groups or pay tourist prices to check out the Empire State Building’s restored lobby which officially opened today. In fact, tourists are funneled away into the Fifth Avenue entrance, while the renovated 34th Street corridor becomes a hidden gem for ESB workers and New Yorkers (at least for the moment).

Saunter in to see an exact replica of Leif Neandross’s gold- and aluminum-leaf Art Deco mural that has been hidden from view since the 1960s, when a plastic drop ceiling was considered a more attractive proposition. The original celestial image was unveiled in 1931 and stood as a testament to the Machine Age, with stars and planets depicted as cogs and gears.

The renovations have tried to stay true to the original design in all but one respect. Look up at the elevated walkways that bisect the 33rd and 34th Street corridors and you’ll see an ornate chandelier, which was included in designs found in the Corning Museum of Glass in Corning, NY, but never installed (turns out they cut corners in those days, too).

Pop in when you’re passing by; it’s free!

“Ayos mio! Ayos mio! Ayos mio!”

That was the chant that echoed throughout Webster Hall during last night’s Lucha La Voom, a long-running L.A. variety show featuring nonstop “sexo y violencia,” courtesy of madcap luchadores, brilliantly costumed titty-shakers and forgettable comedian commentators.

While the main draw was clearly meant to be the luchadores, specifically Mexico City wrestlers Cuije & Alebrije and surprise guest Mike Quackenbush, it was the burlesque queens who stole the show. Our personal fave: Lucy Fur, who shimmied and shook her way out of a Chiquita costume to a mash-up of Ween’s “Bananas and Blow” and Gwen Stefani’s “Hollaback Girl.” The act ended with her “snorting” a small mountain of coke off the stage—classy and classic. And ’cause we love you, we even gathered video boob-laden proof after the jump: Read more »

A wanna-be cover boy strips to his American Apparel undies.

Here’s what we learned at last night’s Ligerbeat Coverdude Contest at Happy Ending Lounge, where nearly a dozen strapping young lads competed for the sex mag’s greatest honor:

* If 11 hot guys stand atop a banquette and there’s even the slightest possibility that one of them might get naked, mayhem will ensue (e.g., “Show me dick!” chants).

* Hard-core porn looks much artier when projected on the wall behind a DJ booth.

* A body shot can be taken from the waistband of a boy’s jeans—or if he’s dapper enough, from his bow tie.

* If a gentleman seems bashful about showing the world his ween, the world only wants to see it that much more.

Here’s what we didn’t learn at last night’s Ligerbeat Coverdude Contest at Happy Ending Lounge:

* Who the winner was. Two dicks, one butt and a brief-clad boner made cameos before the whole thing dissolved, ending with two “finalists” making out with a Ligerbeat editrix. Tough job but somebody’s gotta do it.—Shayna Courtney

Since access to Michael Jackson’s grave is most likely VIP-only, your best bet when it comes to paying respects to the late King is Rusel Parish’s meticulously crafted Cult of Michael Jackson Chapel, whose opening reception was held Friday night at Figureworks (168 North 6th St between Bedford and Driggs Aves, Williamsburg, Brooklyn; 718-486-7021, figureworks.com). Read more »

Photographs: Eric Harvey Brown

You (alright, and us) may have been sleeping the deep sleep of a tired workforce on Labor Day, but snapper Eric Harvey Brown was at Eastern Parkway and Flatbush Avenue in Brooklyn by 4am to capture the pageantry and paint of West Indian–American Day’s J’ouvert (daybreak).

Photographs: Eric Harvey Brown

Somewhere in a warehouse in Brooklyn on Saturday, September 5, local party-planners Winkel & Balktick took the ethos of Burning Man, discarded the burning of a man (safety first, people) and set their art phasers to party.

How did it compare with Burning Man? Check back later this week for photos from the desert.

Video by Elizabeth Kreutz

The Lowbrow Society for the Arts released art into the wild last night, well, the J train at least, to the bemusement and amusement of their fellow passengers. The only criteria for the art on show was its got to be wearable. Next stop a pop-up shop? Just a suggestion.

On Wednesday night, a trio of whip-smart New York ladies hosted the first-ever This Ain’t Your High School Sex Ed Class at Bushwick’s freaky-deaky House of Yes. It was targeted at men, but reporter Sophie Gore Browne attended the session, which included X-rated live role-playing on the do’s and don’ts of flirting, oral sex, anal sex, rough sex and more—all courtesy of a Jenna Jameson love doll. After class let out, Browne asked select guys what they’d learned. Read more »

The Transformational Warriors

Last night’s two-hour “Love In” seminar at Sexy Spirits started with a flamboyantly clad Arjuna Ladino—the male half of the superhero-esque, tantra-happy Transformational Warriors—standing before a crowd of 14, zealously pointing at his manhood.

“Whatever you want comes from here,” he said confidently, tapping his love rifle. “Then you blast it out to God, Buddha, whoever you’re praying to. You need to demand what you want because you’re a child of the universe!”

Ladino, along with business partner and real-life fiancée and a model-turned-spiritual sexpert, Shanti Owen, are self-described “relationship superheroes,” waging war against an enemy they call the Ego. “We encourage you to find who are you and push the light out,” said Ladino. “It’s also about opening yourself up so that your juiciness can attract another person,” added Owen.

Indeed, most attendees at last night’s workshop were single and looking for other juicy-minded warriors. Many were divorced—some four times—while others just never got around to marrying (like 47-year-old Paul, who hasn’t had sex in a year).

The only couple in attendance other than Ladino and Owen was Lisa, 39, and her fiancé, Park, 54, who said sessions like these bring them closer together.“I liked how [Ladino and Owen] were so approving of everyone and their ways,” said Lisa, adding that she and Park try to have sex every morning.

The evening’s activities included lessons on dating, relationships and sex; game-playing; and learning how to love oneself via meditation. One-on-one exercises found attendees pouring out details of their personal sex lives to each other, and answering such questions as “Name the person who best taught you about your sexuality” and “Does sex have to involve cock insertion?” And of course, sex-ed sessions like these would hardly be germane without finding someone to make love with—in which case Ladino offered a foolproof plan: “Approach with your balls—your balls!”—David Yi

Photographs: Marc Whalen

TONY dropped by the Overboard Figment fund-raiser and dance party this past Saturday to check out the deck-stomping deep house and Day-Glo mermaid costumes. We somehow managed to stay dry.

The Universal Records Database people were at it again last night at Crash Mansion, but this time, their esoteric record-breaking revolved around food. To the delight of the packed crowd, special guest Thu Tran of IFC’s Food Party presented a special screening of one of her shows, before the real food party started. All the feats were new, and our favorites records included:

1 The longest cupcake kebab (33.5 inches) by the gals from Cupcakes Take the Cake.
2 The fastest time to spell “I ♥ pickled herring” and then eat it (3 minutes, 33 seconds) by Adam Pollock of Fifty Bucks a Week.
3 The most pig parts tasted in one sitting (17, including ear, trotter, tail and skin) by Meatpaper’s Sasha Wizansky.

In the end, badges were distributed, and the stage showed more than a few signs of creative, well-won victories.—Linnea Covington

Photograph: Aimee Norwich

It’s not exactly a bustling center of Brooklyn’s social scene, but from around 7pm until 10pm this past Saturday night, Sunset Park came alive in a small studio on 36th Street to celebrate the opening of the Ruby Streak Trapeze Studio (220 36th St between Second and Third Aves, No. A503; natalieagee.com). Twinkling lights glowed on the newly waxed floor as the performers (several of whom we recognized from last month’s Animalia at the Skybox at The House of Yes) took over the space—which, at first sight, doesn’t really seem big enough for anything acrobatic whatsoever. But these are pros we’re dealing with, and what the dimensions of the room may have hindered in the way of wingspan, the aerialists made up for in style.

The atmosphere was positively giddy. Jeremiah Jones, who painted a vibrant sea-themed mural in the studio’s minigallery, pointed up to the network of beams and planks on the ceiling: “I built that,” he said proudly. Sparkly red ribbons, posted strategically throughout the building, led the way upstairs. The postperformance dance party was admittedly sparse, but the jams were fun, if not completely random—Peaches, Prince, Kelly Clarkson—and kept up the energy for another two hours after the performance was over.—Alex Schechter

Photographs: Scott Dunay

When Larisa Fuchs (Miss Scorpio of party-planning duo Gemini & Scorpio) first told us about her plans for a speakeasy-themed soiree, she called her chosen locale, the Players Club, “one of the most unique places in the city.” Looks to us like the guests lived up to the venue, including French haute couture designer Jean-Paul Gautlier!

Photo credit: Roberto De Luna

Vive la France! We attended the Bastille Day party on Smith Street yesterday, and found plenty of pastis and pétanque, among other European delights. If you missed out on yesterday’s celebration, check out this week’s Passport NY: France for more Francophile activities, including a Bastille Day–proper festival on Tuesday, July 14.

Luddites. take note: You are missing out on some serious dough. Yesterday, two 14- and 15-year-old teenage girls in skinny jeans battled each other for a $50,000 prize in the final round of the U.S. National Texting Championship. Not that you have to be a teenage girl to be good at texting—last year’s champion was a burly gentleman.

The pair went head-to-head trying to accurately text a given message the fastest. The highlight: a bastardized version of the Gettysburg Address in text speak, which ended with “all men are created =.” We feel compelled to laud the host (this is a TV “special”), who did an excellent job, managing to tell the contestants they could be “proud they made it this far” without a hint of irony.

But after speaking with some of the competitors, it turns out speed in texting may not be of the essence. Less haste will win you more friends. All three competitors who spoke to TONY confided that they had all mistakenly sent texts to the person they were texting about. Jackie, above,  texted someone about a friend’s new beau. “I got a text back saying ‘I already know: That’s my boyfriend!’” Ouch.

Photo by Tina Zimmer

We know it was rainy and miserable. We know it was the tribe’s maiden voyage. And yeah, we know how testy the cops can be when you’re just trying to let your testes hang out. But c’mon, really, New York?!? You disappoint us.

Our town’s first-ever World Naked Bike Ride was far less scandalous than we’d hoped or imagined—especially given what we’ve seen other cities pull off. Click here for a slide show of the semiclothed action, and pray that next year’s event attracts a ballsier crowd.

Photo by Scott Dunay

Thousands of people turned out for yesterday’s National Puerto Rican Day Parade, the city’s 52nd annual celebration of Boricua heritage. The theme was “Celebrating Our Music,” and festivities ran up Fifth Avenue from 44th Street to 86th Street. Click here for a full slide show.

AmfAR—the Foundation for AIDS Research that boasts Kenneth Cole as its chairman—held a shindig last night at the Edison Ballroom in midtown, to honor three of its strongest supporters. Alan Cumming hosted the event, and sung the praises of the honorees: fashion designer and all-around icon Patricia Field, Cleve Jones (friend of Harvey Milk and creator of the AIDS quilt) and Lady Bunny (drag queen extraordinaire). All three, he said, he loved for their “creative use of fabric.” Read more »

Launch the slide show
Photo: Roxana Marroquin

We’ve made it, people! The High Line (well, the first part) is finally open, and we have pictures from the first day, including images of Spencer Finch’s public-art commission The River That Flows Both Ways.

New Yorkers are already making it their own by lounging, jogging and wheeling massive baby strollers around.

Want to more about the High Line? Impress your friends with 15 cool things you should know and take a look at the High Line when life was in black and white with photos from the ’30s.