Join her in her 2BR, 1.5BA furnished loft apartment in Greenpoint, Brooklyn, on September 1. Monthly rent: $1,350 plus utilities.

About her: “I’m a 28-year-old lass from London. I work in the fashion industry and travel a bit, so you’ll get the place to yourself sometimes. I smoke but don’t like the place to smell, so I do it outside or air out the apartment. I’m not anal, though leaving dishes in the sink for two days is pushing it. I like to deejay at bars in the East Village for fun every now and then. Also, I am gay-friendly. I listen more than I watch, but the TV and cable are there.”

About you: “You should be a male or female in your mid-twenties or thirties. I understand our economy is in the shitter, but please have stable income and pay the rent on time. Speaking of income, I’d prefer if you didn’t work from home (sorry, writers and artists). I’m not looking for a BFF, but if you prefer to lock yourself in your room, this isn’t the home for you. If you’re from Europe, the U.K. or Australia, you score more points.”

About the space: “The entire apartment is 1,400 square feet, newly renovated with up-to-date appliances (including a dishwasher). It has tons of closets, a private terrace, rooftop access and central air conditioning. Your room is large and sunny (has two windows and a skylight) and comes with a queen-size wooden bed frame and mattress, bookshelf, mirror and bedside table.”

Interested? View pics and get Zamari’s e-mail after the jump.

Need to fill a room? Looking for an apartment? E-mail us at home@timeoutny.com and you could be featured next Thursday!

E-mail her at zamarinc@gmail.com.

Says Amelia Koethen, TONY’s advertising finance clerk: “With cozy tree-lined streets, two great parks, its own historic district and more, Greenpoint feels like nowhere else I’ve lived in the city—home.”

Her favorite restaurants:
Manhattan 3 Decker Diner, 695 Manhattan Ave at Norman Ave (718-389-6664) “There aren’t any bells and whistles here, just an intense breakfast menu and a retro vibe that makes it a great stop for those mornings when you need a little extra pep in your step.”

Restaurant Pyza, 118 Nassau Ave at Eckford St (718-349-8829) “This Polish cafeteria-style restaurant is food just like (I wish) Mom used to make. Their borscht will cure the common cold, and someday I’ll be brave enough to try the tongue.”

Bar Matchless, 557 Manhattan Ave at Driggs Ave (718-383-5333) “When they opened a full kitchen, I was excited about having fries to soak up their great drink specials. They went above and beyond standard bar food and have become my favorite place for mac and cheese.”

Her favorite shops:
B.E. Yarn, 784 Manhattan Ave between Calyer St and Messerole Ave (718-383-8907) “The crafting geek in me was so excited to find this yarn shop nestled in with the bakeries, jewelry shops and dollar stores populating Manhattan Avenue. The no-attitude service and advice was an added bonus.”

Big D, 777 Manhattan Ave between Calyer St and Messerole Ave (718-389-0181) “There are hipper places to write about in Greenpoint, but I would be doing you a disservice if I didn’t include this value-store behemoth. They compete handily with the other discount clothing, furniture and gift shops on the avenue, and the sensory overload is enough to keep me coming back for more.”

Jaslowiczanka Bakery, 163 Nassau Ave at Diamond St (718-389-0263) “This traditional Polish bakery is the real deal. It’s always bustling with customers looking to grab some fresh paczki. It’s also the perfect place to pick up some babka for your mama.”

Just say no to teabagging tonight and enjoy the fruits of your taxes with a tour of the urban park on the shores of Newtown Creek, starting at 6pm. The park was built as the art component of a multibillion-dollar city redevelopment of the sewage-treatment plant in Greenpoint, Brooklyn, and designed by artist and environmental sculptor George Trakas.

Trakas himself will be on hand to guide you through the tucked-away park and explain the subtle, unobtrusive design elements that reference local history, which would otherwise be easy to miss. You can also expect glorious views of the city’s skyline as the sun sets behind it on a lovely spring evening.

Details and directions can be found on the WNYC website, and more information is available on Urban Omnibus, a project of the Architectural League of New York.

Sarah Small, like TONY, has tapped into the ancient wisdom that nudity turns heads. Last Saturday, in a Greenpoint studio, the photographer, who snaps group studio shots of visually diverse figures, assembled a bunch of her models and enlisted the sponsorship of a vodka company, throwing a tableau vivant mixer replete with cocktails. This marked the first time I witness performance art tipsy.

After everyone had their drinks, the models strutted out in a line to chanting music and took their poses on stage with resident taxidermies. Most were naked, a few not; bodybuilder Michelle from Connecticut wore her bikini, and another chick sported nothing but heels, topless lingerie and a giant, blond Afro wig.

While the naked folks did really kept my attention going—especially when Small occasionally directed them to make out or shake their fists in anger—what was most interesting about the performance, artistically speaking, was not necessarily the models, but rather the audience. They were going nuts, taking pictures with their iPhones and whispering to each other, “You think they’re gonna fuck?” I happily passed on the tidbit I’d heard from one of Small’s Bulgarian folk-singing buddies that she had given them permission to do just that. Whatever one’s feelings about the project in general, that certainly would have been art.–David Levitz

Photos courtesy David Rosenzweig