What’s that, you say? Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yep. Yeah, it’s true that I’ve watched all 682 minutes of the extended Lord of the Rings trilogy countless times, and can even recite lines from the special-feature discs from memory. What? No, you’re the nerd. Dude, who was the one that wore elf ears and said things like “The Uruks are coming!” and “No one tosses a dwarf!” for two straight months? Yeah, I don’t blame her for dumping you. Look, I’m sorry she took the cat, but at least she had the good sense to change its name from Treebeard to Sprinkles. All right already. Because I feel bad for you and your miserable life, you can come with me. Yes, the Fellowship of the Ring is being screened at Radio City Music Hall tomorrow night, and the award-winning score is being simultaneously performed by the 21st Century Symphony Orchestra, the Collegiate Chorale, the Brooklyn Youth Chorus and Kaitlyn Lusk, as conducted by Ludwig Wicki. I know, it’s going to be awesome. Dude, stop crying. I know, I’m your best friend. You’re getting snot on my shirt. You can go Saturday night, too, if it means so much to you. There there. You know Gandalf isn’t gone forever. Shhhh.