You think global warming is a farce, couldn’t give a hoot about what happens to the polar bears and tear into carbon emission–happy red meat twice a day. But what if we told you jumping on the eco-bandwagon paid off—to the tune of a ten-day all-expenses-paid trip to Thailand? Yeah, we’ll wait here for you while you go grab an “I’m not a plastic bag” tote.

But seriously, those who bleed green (and who are of legal drinking age) might want to consider applying to the Malibu Beach Internship: Ten lucky conservationists-in-training will win a ten-day internship with the Reef Check Foundation, where they will be flown to an exotic locale—Thailand, the Maldives, the Philippines—to help monitor the area’s coral reef health.

If selected, all you have to do is chart your progress through blog posts and social media, like you already do about what cereal you ate for breakfast. To be considered, head over to Malibu’s website to fill out an application before August 31 and explain, in 500 words, why you should be chosen. Sincerity counts, so if you use Al Gore’s face as a dartboard, don’t even bother trying—your consolation prize is the opportunity to buy a limited-edition Reef Check–inspired bottle of Malibu ($12.99) with which to drawn your selfish sorrows. How’s that for karma?

And by poor people, we mean you. Okay, and us. Except this doesn’t apply to us because we’re not allowed to enter. Stupid journalist ethics. Anyway, in the spirit of this week’s magnificent Free issue, we’re giving away VIP tickets, exclusive memberships, and awesome prizes from some of our favorite venues and vendors.

The biggest of the biggies this week? A $3,000 weekend getaway to the Hamptons, which includes round-trip transportation aboard the Wi-Fi-ified Hampton Luxury Liner, a two-night stay at the divinely blue-blood Montauk Yacht Club Resort & Marina, dinner for two at Harbor Bistro, an adorable gourmet picnic basket from Citarella and two embroidered beach towels compliments of The Elegant Setting. Go here for full contest details, here to learn what other cool prizes that are up for grabs and here for our 2009 guide to the Hamptons. And don’t forget your sunblock, Muffy!

As we previously mentioned, Long Beach, Long Island, is known more for its real-estate opportunities and less as a tourist destination. But if developer Allen Rosenberg has anything to do with it, that will change when he opens the 143-room oceanfront Allegria Hotel & Spa (80 West Broadway; 516-889-1300, allegriahotel.com, $199-$1,099 per night) on May 18.

The area’s first hotel boasts recession-be-damned amenities like a surf concierge to fetch guests cold drinks and sunscreen and proffer umbrellas while they’re catching rays on the beach; a rooftop infinity pool and 10,000-square-foot spa (opening this fall); and organic juices and smoothies served at the poolside bar. Every room comes equipped with supersoft 400-thread-count sheets, an LCD TV embedded behind the bathroom mirror (so you’ll get some form of response when you’re talking to yourself) and Atlantic Ocean and Manhattan skyline views—you know, the usual stuff you’re accustomed to in your forced two-bedroom studio.

Yeah, we can’t afford it either, which is why we came to the rescue and scored you an exclusive deal: The first 500 readers to call 516-889-1300 and book a two-night stay get a third night free when they mention TONY. Or you could just hop on the LIRR,

pop in to Hamptons chef Todd Jacobs’s restaurant, Atlantica at Allegria, for tempura-battered crab cakes and farm-raised pan-seared peppercorn-crusted hanger steak, take a dip in the Atlantic and head back home—it is, after all, only an hour away.

You probably don’t need a hotel room in the five boroughs, but if you did, you could buy one night and get the second 50 percent off through NYC: The Real Deal. But wait, there’s more! NYC & Company, the city’s official marketing, tourism and partnership organization, is offering the same deal (buy one, get one 50 percent off) for various museums, attractions, entertainment venues, nightlife spots, spas, 16 Broadway shows and more. Simply plug your dates and preferences into the Travelocity widget on nycgo.com and you’ll be bombarded with results of discounted happenings. Plus savings at dining and shopping destinations are coming soon. Go here for more information. Just don’t forget to send us a postcard!

We love you, Bronx Zoo, but we’d love you even more if you were free. So, sadly, the National Zoo in Washington, D.C., has got you beat. We were there this weekend to see the baby gorilla, who looks strikingly like George Burns. As implied, it’s free, and though it was crowded (probably due to the beautiful weather), we were still able to pack in everything we had planned on doing. That includes starting the morning with a Sunrise Pizza topped with Parmesan cheese and potatoes at RedRocks Firebrick Pizzeria. From there, it’s about a 20-minute walk to the zoo, but that’s necessary after eating a mommy ape’s weight in carbs for breakfast.

Get there: Bolt Bus ($1–$25 each way)

Looking for a last-minute summer getaway? I suggest packing your bags and heading out Sole East in Montauk, where the rooms range from $140 to $450 per night. Amenities include newly renovated beach-bungalow-like rooms, Saturday-night burlesque shows, 2.5 acres of landscaped gardens, weekend pool parties, a stylish staff dressed in Trovata and TOMS, and much more. It’s like Tahiti, minus the annoying customs line!

Making my first trip to the Jersey shore, rattling along the ol’ local North Jersey coast line, felt a bit like Conrad’s Heart of Darkness. I was journeying farther than civilization’s reach, in search of something mysterious, powerful, awe-inspiring. In short, I hoped to glimpse the mighty and legendary Guido.

Okay, forgive the melodrama, but my New York friends did a good job of hyping this stereotype. “Asshole Jersey folk are cheesy and rude,” they warned, adding that “they have a name for people like you too: Bennys.”

For a Londoner, this sounded all too familiar. Read more »

 

Long, long, looooongtime New Yorker Louise Bourgeois is the subject of a new retrospective at the Tate Modern. Today, the 95-year-old sculptor (who turns 96 on Christmas Day) is one of the world’s most celebrated living artists but, as she told The Guardian in an interview on Sunday, she didn’t exactly mind being being overlooked in the 1950s and 1960s.

The fact that the market was not interested in my work because I was a woman was a blessing in disguise. It allowed me to work totally undisturbed.

See, that’s the beauty of getting older—you don’t have to worry about cheesing off feminists. (Well, that and you can carry giant phalli under your arm and nobody says anything.)

 

In about 12 hours I’m going to board a plane and head to Los Angeles, and I’m kinda nervous. Like most New Yorkers I have a subtle distrust of L.A. despite never having been there. Why is that? Everyone I’ve told I’m going has given me a sort of “Oh, try to have fun anyway” kind of look. One friend, a well-known NYC blogger, said outright, “I loathe that place.” And part of me is actually going so I can finally hate the place with impunity.

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