Finally, I’ll be able to play that pristine copy of Dragon Warrior that I haven’t been able to get into because of my crappy, not-really-functioning TV. Yes, friends, I speak of the Retro Mini, a handheld device that evidently plays original NES cartridges. Off the top of my head, I’d love to revisit games like Tecmo Super Bowl, The Legend of Zelda, The Three Stooges, Bible Adventures…

Yes!

As perhaps you have heard by now, the amazing cinematic feat Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus is coming to a DVD shop near you. Not only does it star Deborah Gibson (as TONY Film writer Josh Rothkopf points out on the Frame-Up, “that Deborah Gibson”), but it stars…a mega shark and a giant octopus. Shout-out to the drunk guys who watched Snakes on a Plane and then dreamed up this  movie, the invention of which was surely accompanied by a lot of high-fiving and aggro forehead-to-beer-can contact.

So here’s the big question: What other animals would you like to see pitted against each other in a death-match smackdown? My row-mate Allison Williams just informed me that her friends have actually turned this quandary into a game already—they call it Beast Justice. Eagle vs. narwhal is one of their top picks.  After the jump, see our dream face-offs and add your own to the mix.
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Rumors have been circulating about the DVD release of the ’90s sketch-comedy masterwork The State forever, but now it appears that it’s finally going to happen. No more combing YouTube for grainy clips of Louie dipping his balls in things! The show that launched the careers of dudes with names like Michael Ian Black, Michael Showalter and David Wain will become available July 14. Rumor has it that its long delay to the already-obsolete platform had to do mainly with music-licensing rights and MTV, but better late than never (the Blu-ray edition should come some time in 2145). You’re pissing the customer off, Carl!

Last month marked the 200th birthday of controversial natural-selection guy Charles Darwin. To honor the occasion, books have been written, troubling polls have been taken, and bizarre, real-world implications have continued to manifest themselves. His theory is generally considered a bleak one, but tonight at The Times Center, reporter David Brooks talks about the positive ramifications of Darwin’s zany ideas. Galapagos Chaz’s birthday also happens to roughly coincide with the February release of the most recent feature-length Futurama episode, Into the Wild Green Yonder, in which the Planet Express crew discovers an unorthodox way to avert mass extinction. Some thoughts about this latest installment and what comes next for Fry & Co. after the break (a few spoilers). Read more »

What’s the word? Uncanny? Yeah, that’s it. You Fell Asleep Watching a DVD is at once completely useless, totally entertaining and, well, what I do most nights (especially if Arrested Development is selected from the menu). I love that someone took the time to build this thing.

In the late ’90s, the mighty pen of John Milius (who was also partly responsible for the proto neocon classic Red Dawn) scribbled a two-part TNT miniseries called Rough Riders. This Spanish-American War biopic, which carries not one but several big sticks, stars Tom Berenger (Sniper, Sniper III) as Theodore Roosevelt, Gary Busey (Point Break, Slap Shot 2: Breaking the Ice) as Gen. Joseph “Fighting Joe” Wheeler and Sam Elliott (Road House) as Captain Bucky O’Neil. Why did no one tell me about this brilliant piece of television filmmaking earlier? Pretty embarrassed over here to have found out about it only now, more than a decade on, with the release of the Sam Elliott Western Collection this past Tuesday.

Because she put it best (and apparently without irony) in a 2001 comment about Rough Riders posted on IMDb, we’ll echo the words of Dianna Trent from New Jersey: “Go buy this film & enjoy the thrill of acting!”

Every Which Way But Loose: Conspicuously absent

If, like us, your Eastwood experience begins and ends with the Sergio Leone spaghetti flicks and ends with Space Cowboys, then you may be interested in the forthcoming, four-disc DVD set titled Clint Eastwood: The American Icon Collection. Despite the lack of Mexican standoffs, Eli Wallach and charming chimp companions, this quartet of films—Play Misty for Me, The Eiger Sanction, Coogan’s Bluff and The Beguiled—offers an interesting glimpse into the method of one of Hollywood’s most ornery leading men, who also happens to be one of its craggiest directors. First up for me? The Eiger Sanction, of which TONY Film editor Dave Fear says, “My dad forced me to watch this mountain-climbing action thriller every single time it came on, claiming that it would teach me important, important things. By which he meant the proper way to dispatch a goon via a ‘Colombian necktie.’ Look it up, it’s vicious.”

Clint Eastwood: The American Icon Collection is released Feb 10. More thoughts on this gem after the break. Read more »

Full disclosure: As a native Baltimorean, I am duty-bound to love The Wire, which gives perhaps the most realistic—and yes, gritty and unforgiving—depiction of Charm City (ohh, that nickname) that you’ll find in fiction. But don’t just take my word for it: Our own Film editor David Fear called it “the HBO show that ranks somewhere between Citizen Kane and the Second Coming of Christ.” Indeed.

And now, the entire the series can be yours—and for the paltry sum of $81.99, no less, which is more than 60 percent off the retail price. While you’re waiting to get this amazing deal in your hot little hands, go read TONY’s interview with Michael K. Williams, a.k.a. cold-blooded thug (and thug-killer) Omar. He cries!

Remember when you bought a Blu-ray player, and prayed to your respective god(s) that Criterion would jump on the Blu bandwagon? Then do you remember how the company that set the standard for how films should be presented in home-entertainment formats announced that its first wave of Blu-ray titles would be coming out in November? And how you jumped for joy, nearly landing on your cats (names: Orson and Truffaut) and you bounded over to your calendar to circle the dates—11/18 and 11/21? 

Then remember how you heard they’d been postponed, and you wept, and your cats laughed at you in their sneering, mocking feline way? (Memo to self: Kill those damned cats.) And—why, just this morning!—you saw that circled date on your calendar, and the wounds opened anew?

Well, there’s no need to fret, as Criterion has announced new dates for its initial Blu-ray offerings. The first four titles—The Third Man, Bottle Rocket, Chungking Express and The Man Who Fell to Earth—will now be released on December 16; a fifth title, Bertolucci’s The Last Emperor, will hit shelves on January 9, 2009. (There was originally another addition to the Criterion Blu brothers—Gregory Nava’s El Norte—but neither the press release nor the company’s website mentions a new date. We’re assuming details for that particular disc are still TBD.) So yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus, and that jolly old elf may bring you a Third Man disc for the holidays that looks better than anything you’ve ever seen before. Just so long as he doesn’t bring you a cuckoo clock instead…

Oh, and for those of us who haven’t quite got around to investing in a Blu-ray player yet, there’s still good news on the Criterion front: It’s having a 40-percent-off sale right now on select titles from its back catalog when you order directly from the site. If you’ve been waiting to nab that Berlin Alexanderplatz box set for under a gajillion dollars, now’s your chance.

It’s your week of weeks if you’re remotely into things that go bump in the night. I could muster up my best Stephen King–italicized scary shout-out to Creepshow (here’s the trailer), the beyond-awesome 1982 horror-comedy at IFC Center tonight and tomorrow at midnight; or draw attention to my highly overgeeked ten alternative horror essentials for your DVD collection. But let’s touch briefly on a new collector’s edition of John Carpenter’s Halloween, released on its 30th anniversary. It’s hard to front on the movie itself, as close to a modern pop-cult masterpiece as ’70s filmmaking gets. (Suck it, George.) The six-disc set includes the standard film, the film on Blu-ray (um, thanks?) and an extended TV cut of the film. And an already-released documentary. Plus Halloweens 4 and 5, but not 2 or 3. Whatever. The box set comes with a spooky little mask of Michael Myers. You can’t really wear it, unless your head is the size of an infant’s. But still: adorbs.

When the Apple TV digital media server came out last year, its on-board software—uncharacteristically clunky for the folks in Cupertino—made it hard to figure out exactly what the device was for. But after a week of playing around with the 2.0 version of the software (which Apple is pushing with an “Apple TV Take 2” rebranding program), a 160-gigabyte Apple TV has suddenly become one of the most essential components of my home theater setup. At least at this price point ($329), there’s no home server that’s more elegant, or more idiotproof.

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If there’s ever a metropolis that could out–New York New York, it’s Paris. The locals are as stylish, sophisticated and frustratingly self-assured as they are in the Big Apple. Which is probably why I have such an affinity for the City of Light.

I’m not a film reviewer by profession, and it’s very likely I’m off the mark, but it felt like 2007 saw an inordinate number of films—both French and American—set in Gay Paree. Below, I list a few I’ve enjoyed. (I’m sure there are many I’m forgetting or haven’t seen yet, including Paris, je t’aime.)  

Like Paris itself, these movies have their flaws, but  they confound expectations and deliver rich delights to the intrepid. All are available on Netflix, so consider one for the next cold winter night you decide not to brave the elements.

2 Days in Paris

Julie Delpy directed, wrote, starred in and scored this wry rom-com about a Frenchwoman (Delpy) who brings her Jewish-American boyfriend (Adam Goldberg) to Paris to meet her folks (played by Delpy’s real-life parents, Marie Pillet and Albert Delpy). Inappropriate ex-boyfriends, travel sickness, culture shock, a psychotic taxi driver and more threaten to destroy their relationship—and Paris’s reputation as a city for lovers. Quick-witted and realistic, 2 Days is totally not  the fromage-laden pabulum you’re expecting.

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Imagine that scholars had come across a dusty, misplaced satchel filled with manuscripts by William Shakespeare. Inside were a few plays that were already part of the Western literary canon (Macbeth, King Lear) and some of the Bard’s lauded but lesser gems (Titus Andronicus, As You Like It). But stuffed in between these known works were writings that had long been absent from the public eye and were rarely discussed even by ardent fanatics. Perhaps the only remaining copies of these vintage pieces had been left to rot in a vault, but here were documents that were in decent enough shape to be completely restored to their former glory (or at least as close as you could get). Maybe they weren’t all masterpieces, but even the standard—and substandard—works informed and commented indirectly on the classics. You’d be one giant step closer to evaluating the artist’s catalog by a better, bigger-picture standard.

And then imagine someone made this incredible find consumer-friendly and put it on the market in time for the holidays.
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