TONY contributor Julia Allison talking with Max Azria backstage at Fall Fashion Week.

Victory + inspiration = turtlenecks.

As you might know, if you google "Palin Biden ‘drinking game,’" you’ll get 18,300 results. To save you from scrolling through a sea of half-witted comments and emoticons in order to come up with a contrived way to get drunk with your friends and yell at the TV tonight, here’s an amalagam of the best drinking-game rules we found on the Internets, plus a few of our own sprinkled in. We’ll leave the kind of booze you use up to the friends and barkeeps who have to clean up after you. If you want something a little more official, there are debate bingo cards here and here that you can download and take with you to the party at Monkey Town.

For Palin, everyone drinks:

When someone in your party blurts out "WTF is she talking about?"

When she leaves the g off progressive verbs or gerunds, e.g., "takin’," "leavin’," "changin’"

When she refers to Joe Biden as "Joe" or "Joey."

Every time she says "mustn’t," "maverick," "hockey mom," "Putin’s head," "pitbull," "lipstick," "thanks but no thanks" or "I’ll have to get back to you on that."

Everyone chugs whatever they have in their hand if Palin:

Wears her hair over her ears, brings up any of her offspring or vomits.

For Biden, everyone drinks:

When he chuckles while Palin is talking.

When he mentions taking the train.

When he refers to Senator McCain as "John."

Every time he says, "Scranton" "Wall Street," "main street," "malarkey" or "Geraldine Ferraro," or refers to himself in the third person, or anyone else as his "good friend."

Everyone chugs whatever they have in their hand if Biden:

Pats Sarah Palin on head at the beginning or end of the debate, or compliments moderator Gwen Ifill on her outfit.

SEE RELATED: Last-minute Debate Strategies for Sarah Palin

Here’s the "1 Thing" to do tonight if you feel like:

Believing in miracles (it’s your last chance).

Seeing Q-Tip for free.

Solving the problem with bands today.

Partying like Bill Clinton is still President.

Getting inspired to sing along.

Find more things here.

Here’s the "1 Thing" to do tonight if you fee like:

Wishing you could be as cool as Lissy Trullie.

Finding out how the other half lives, asking about the SATC prequel.

Turning the Worst Week into a good laugh.

Taking up the formidable actor Tovah Feldshuh on a Vow.

Find everything else you’d feel like doing tonight here.

Here’s the "1 Thing" to do this weekend if you feel like:

Friday

Being "Tempted by the Fruit of Another."

Giving short people a reason to go to Carnegie Hall tonight.

Making fun of "L.E.S. Artistes" by paying to hang out with them.

Picking up base runners with Jesus beards.

Saturday

Befriending Germans.

Learning Korean.

Strolling through the South.

Having Prime Time with Hardcore Girls.

Seeing what’s at stake.

Taking a ride on a boat made of high-grade electronics.

Getting a sneak peek of the new hotness from a Ghost.

Breaking your biking cherry.

Sunday

Deciding when it’s okay to lie.

Finding out the British secret to having fun.

Seeing controversial documents.

Going to the ideal place.

Dumpster diving.

Want endless options? Go here.

Don’t want to make any decisions? Go here.

Here’s the "1 Thing" to do tonight if you feel like:

Hanging with a moody Danish king.

Caring that Katie Holmes is on Broadway.

Hiding out from market turmoil on Mount Eerie.

Breaking your Holding Pattern.

Getting some advice from the man who owns everything.

Find tons of other things here.

Since we’ve all got U.S. Open on the brain, and the tennis legend and egalitarian is reading from her new book tonight, now is as good a time as any to ask. Here’s what she said:

Read more »

Here’s the "1 Thing" to do tonight if you feel like:

Being half submerged in water, while you still can.

Going to see the Walkmen but getting there in time to see the Muslims.

Telling all your friends to go see Fred.

Frolicking with a bevy of beauties in the Financial District.

Wandering among the sodden dunes and cabanas of childhood.

Yelling "encore" at Billy Bob Thornton.

Watching an author get interviewed by a Child.

Being surrounded by a consortium of envelope pushers.

Find so many more things here.

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