Bob and Lee Woodruff, the philanthropists behind this foundation and the benefit, are not only philanthropists but people you’d probably want to hang out and drink wine with. Two of the reasons: Lee likened the show to a mullet (“Business up front and party in the rear”), and she nabbed her party dress at Century 21.

Rich people in a crowd are identifiable because, according to Brian Williams, they “glow just a little brighter.”

Brian Williams is pretty funny (and self-effacing) for a news guy. He carried his laptop onstage  for up-to-the-minute Yankees World Series updates, expounded upon the importance of highway exit numbers when growing up in New Jersey and navigated his epic man-crush on Bruce Springsteen.

The acoustic “Born to Run” sounds very little like the electric “Born to Run” the plebes among us are familiar with. (Also, where Springsteen is concerned, people in shirts and ties are generally plebes.)

There are folks out there willing to pay $50,000 on the spot for one of Bruce Springsteen’s guitars. It helps if you are a star in one of the Law & Order franchises and your name is Mariska Hargitay.

Louis C.K. loves his children and only his children. If there were a fire in the school cafeteria, he’d pick up his kid and trample over everyone else’s kids, even if it were possible for him to save the whole school.

According to Stephen Colbert, Iraq is dry and hot: “like Texas, but with fewer guns.”

You shouldn’t ask Lisa Lampanelli to do your benefit—or your anything—if what you want is a clean set; likewise, if you’re attending a benefit with Lisa Lampanelli, you can’t balk when she says she likes black people, not Asians, because she’s into chocolate and not urine.

Despite what you feel about the war, it’s always good to provide its soldiers with resources and recognition.