Earlier this week, we chatted with Fleshbot editrix Lux Alptraum about ejaculate omelettes, NYC porn and exactly what brand of debauchery the first-ever Fleshbot Awards at the Box might entail. And last night we sent reporter Ada Calhoun to find out.…
“Shut the fuck up!” yelled a woman who stormed onstage wearing a vagina T-shirt. She was ignored. In fact, the roaring, uh-perhaps-you-didn’t-notice-there-is-an-open-bar crowd ignored everyone, including presenters and winners, the gyrating, lingerie-clad Box dancers, and even porn star Belladonna as she got naked onstage and deep-throated a dildo.
There is kind of nothing more depressing than posturing sexiness that goes unnoticed. When someone spends the time hooking together all those bustiers and garter belts and rolling around looking sultry and pretending to make out with other girls also wearing black underwear, you really should pay attention to her, just to be polite. But the crowd was not polite. They were drunk and loud and teeming with chubby, giddy dudes who made Levi Johnston (winner for the Porn Crossover Award for his appearance in next week’s Playgirl) look like George Clooney.
The live-blog on Fleshbot is way funnier and hotter than the event itself, and Alptraum would have been a more appropriate host than Justin Bond and John Cameron Mitchell. (She could be seen in the audience jumping up and down with rapture as Belladonna did her blow-job routine. Bond at the end simply deadpanned: “That was beautiful.”)
The porn industry has always been a West Coast thing, and the Fleshbot Awards drove home why: New Yorkers suck at faking things: boobs, pleasure, interest. We are a city of real bodies, and real volume. Our minds are not blown by Prince-video-without-Prince-to-redeem-it ladies dancing to “I Touch Myself” or stripteases to “You Can Leave Your Hat On,” or even a woman dancing—in a very Judy Chicago moment—in a giant vulva costume.
The New York sex industry will never be able to compete with L.A.’s, and so the Fleshbot Awards were unable to compete with the roar of an audience full of drunken New Yorkers just trying to get laid.—Ada Calhoun
See the winners after the jump…
The Fleshbot award
Sexiest Technology: JimmyJane, presented by Justine Joli
Sexiest Fashion Newcomers: The Blonds, presented by Michael Lucas
Sexiest Art: Paul Pope, presented by Julie Atlas Muz in a great shiny, see-through orange minidress with white go-go boots, and accepted by the first cute guy of the night, Paul Pope’s friend Ben Naples
Sexiest CGI: Pirate’s Booty, Adult Source Media, presented by Rob Roth
Mainstream Crossover Award: Sasha Grey, presented by Tom Judson and accepted via a video in which she plugged an upcoming event
Porn Crossover Award: Levi Johnston, presented by Lux Alptraum, because Obama Girl apparently didn’t show up even though she was listed in the program. Johnston had that overconfident smirk as he told everyone to buy Playgirl; and his handler, undie-party king Daniel Nardicio, held the dildo award so Johnston didn’t have to sully his hands with it.
Sexiest Advertising: American Apparel, presented by Ryan Keely
Sexiest TV Show: True Blood, presented by Jonathan Ames
Lifetime Achievement in Sexy Fashion: Patricia Field
