Helen Hong at Laugh Match

Comedian-matchmaker Helen Hong has a track record of hooking up her Korean brethren, but can she do for “vanilla” and “chocolate” what she’s always done for “rice”? We sent Sex & Dating reporter Isabella Moschen to the August 12 launch of her all-races-welcome Laugh Match comedy show/speed-dating event at Comix to find out.

“Don’t I look hot?” Hong asks the nervous crowd, before confessing that underneath her strapless number, she’s actually wearing four pairs of Spanx. She likens the miracle hosiery to an “unrolled condom” stretched over her entire body. In her opening banter, she also contemplates her own singleness, which she blames on her Korean background (her parents’ birds-and-bees lecture went something like this: “You: no sex”); her misadventures with Match.com (“bullshit”); and her less-than-comely cybersuitors (“I don’t know in what universe you see your dick in me”).

Shortly thereafter, a siren blares to indicate “match time,” and everyone’s stomach does a little flip. Hong grabs a bachelor and asks, “Good teeth, good hair or good shoes?” He picks teeth. Within seconds, she spots a pearly-mouthed gal whose gifts are God-given (never had braces!). They each knock back a gratis shot, then smile to reveal exceptionally well-aligned chompers. Match!

This is how Laugh Match works—Hong and other comedians hook up singles between sets. Though the male-to-female ratio of attendees—one part “sausage” to every five parts “clam” (Hong’s words)—reinforced what we already know about dating in NYC, it didn’t put a damper on the evening’s sexually charged game of musical chairs, and the gender imbalance later served as material for the stellar showcase (cupids included Jim Gaffigan, Leah Bonnema, Erik Rivera, Yamaneika and Nick Kroll). Each riffed on their own dating mishaps and sexual debacles (Yamaneika: “I’ve got a dating service where you can get dick 24/7: It’s called registeredsexoffenders.com”).

While not every match was a hit, Hong circumvented would-be rejections by swooping in and declaring unwanted bachelors for herself. Postshow, the lobby hummed with soused audience members, who, inspired by Hong’s comedic foreplay, tried to make matches of their own. Maybe Hong really did get her wish: “I hope you all get sex tonight.”