You won't like her when she's angry.

All hail Blair Waldorf, for she has resurrected our fading interest in Gossip Girl. Last night’s plotline of Blair-goes-bad was the best they’ve done in ages, and not just because Leighton Meester is hard-core vamping it up (only one of us is really taken with that, truthfully). Finally, we’re getting some interesting character development and a plot that may actually last longer than an episode. It’s all because of Blair, and we are grateful. Oh, but GG writers? No one wants to hear about parents having sex, and that includes Rufus and Lily. Gross. We discuss our favorite screwed-up lady, plus a flash of anger and Polish cursing from Dorota, below.…

Josh: “welcome to the next 30 years.”
Amy: i swear, if anyone had said that to me at 18 about any topic at all, i would have vomited.

J: here was an episode that totally leaned into the Upper East Sideness, the helicopter, tag-footballness. i loved how showy it was—almost like a james bond film.
A: oh, absolutely. they’re swinging back around to what made the show so fun to begin with, even if the characters are changing
J: exactly. also: plotty plotty plotty! i feel like they changed writers or something, or cut the writers’ thicker lines.
A: whatever; it worked.
J: but i get ahead. bad news blair!
A: they’re so making her a bad girl and i love it. i love how her look even became more vampy: lots of tight clothing, red lipstick.
J: the red lipstick! it’s like their fashion director is superliteral, like: “let’s give fashion-jenny crazy hair.”
A: i covet red lipstick like that.
J: you know, you could just buy some.
A: oh, trust me, it’s much harder finding a good red lipstick that doesn’t make you look like a clown than you would think. makeup is serious business, josh.
J: you know, i happen to appreciate that, having taken the subject very seriously in film school. also having waited for hours for ex-girlfriends to be “ready.” we digress!
A: back to blair!
J: did you have a suspicion that the townhouse was not a bad thing?
A: i didn’t think it was going to be sinister. i mean, i know she’s freaking out and in a bad place, but it’s blair. she would never be part of a high-class call-girl ring.
J: still, serena and chuck start a posse.
A: yes. i like that, no matter how much they all dislike each other, they band together when one is in trouble.
J: i like that too, but it’s hard to admit. meanwhile, are these appropriate clothes for teens? like the whole blair-carter scene? va-va-va voom!
A: well, if serena can have her boobs out all over the place… i mean, no, that’s kind of totally inappropriate, but whatever. the sartorial choices on gossip girl are never really realistic.
J: or do we import our own gap-wearing cotton-clad pasts on these obviously more-privileged characters?
A: well, there is that, too. i’m pretty sure most teenagers aren’t strutting around in designer duds.
J: meanwhile, i could care less about lily and rufus’s lists.
A: did you notice, though, that there was no van der woodsen on lily’s list?
J: i did! so is that a clue?
A: i figured it was just the prop folks accidentally missing something. still.
J: are we supposed to believe she slept with trent reznor?
A: i’d believe that before slash.
J: it’s so deeply awkward. again, like the letter taken out of jenny’s hands, that’s a weird bit of arbitrary plotting
A: also, are they teenagers? who cares about “lists”? it’s so juvenile.
J: they are so teenagers, like grown-up ones who were never good at parenting. but still, let’s get to the good stuff: blair off the hook. oh, but first: an angry dorota!
A: yes. that made my episode.
J: where does all this dorototian rage come from? dorotian? has she finally had enough?
A: well, she takes care of blair as if she were dorota’s own child; blair is acting out, chuck was being an asshole, and yeah, i think dorota reached a breaking point. wouldn’t you, dealing with spoiled, overprivileged brats all the time?
J: totally. plus, blair has really fucked up and must be an embarrassment to an extent. she can’t go to college. she can’t even grovel her way into sarah lawrence! the scene i’m really waiting for is the one between her and her parents.
A: i wonder if that is ever going to come. none of these kids are ever really held accountable for anything; i mean, shouldn’t she have gotten the lecture by now?
where are blair’s parents, anyway? or at least her mom and wallace shawn?
he could TOTALLY knock some sense into her.
J: i know! it’s a consequence-free zone, but the idea of blair really ruining her future is the show’s best one.
A: so what is her alternative now? becoming nate-the-politician’s wife?
J: ha. you said “nate the politican” like that’s a possibility.
A: but he has an internship with the mayor, josh! and he’s a vanderbilt, apparently?
J: you got a hint of the old geeky blair when all the sneaking around turning out to be…a college interview. so heartbreaking.
A: she can’t accept anyone’s help. it’s depressing, a little.
J: which is why this was my favorite episode. it understands a central idea about blair and puts it forward.
A: yes. it actually felt like there was a purpose.
J: for me, this show is now almost exclusively about the flailing shit-storm that blair can potentially become: like blair busting into stodgy drawing rooms and truth-telling, or blair slutting around.
A: and leighton meester seemed to be having fun with it too.
J: these characters work thusly: a highly lacquered fake front, with hints of remorse. this episode totally understands that about blair. you don’t want these characters to get “real,” whatever that means.
A: but isn’t that exactly why we are enjoying this plotline? because blair is finally dropping her facade of perfect UES princess, even if she is replacing it with something else?
J: but that’s it; it’s one facade for another.
A: so, then, are they anything other than facade? do they have any actual depth?
J: good question. nate is grappling with this idea: can you escape your past? or embrace it?
A: i wonder if they can ever move past it, because they’re all so tied up in obligations. except for jenny and dan, really.
J: and what is jenny these days? dan’s little assistant?
J: nice! i miss jenny plots.
A: it looks like we’re getting one soon, though. sweet sixteen!
A: did you really care about anything in this episode besides blair? i don’t think i did.
J: alas, i did not. but blair is enough.

Photo credit: Giovanni Rufino / The CW © 2009 The CW Network, LLC. All Rights Reserved.