We can think of no better way to remember our friend and colleague Andrew than by doing one of the things that he loved most: talking about television. Our thoughts on all of the dramarama—and, ugh, little J’s hair— of the Best Show Ever below.
Josh: boy, did i need gossip girl this week.
Amy: yeah, definitely. it certainly delivered the crazy drama.
J: and then some. like: were you prepared for a 15-year-old in her bra, dancing?
A: yeah, that? a little weird. since taylor momsen is ACTUALLY 15.
J: does that make this kind of illegal?
A: i don’t think so, but it’s certainly icky.
J: it’s insane. i mean she’s so likable as an actor. and yet the character drops out of high school (with her dad’s permission) and is obv headed for a coke habit with that model friend. was that subtly implied? if not shown?
A: i don’t think we’re supposed to assume that j is using.
J: aren’t they based on real fake d-listers? cory kennedy and cobrasnake, that’s who.
A: also, wtf—jenny and nate? who hasn’t he slept with on that show?
J: i know: nate gets around. i loved how awk their kiss was, very eager.
A: yeah. so teenaged! but i think my favorite part was the beginning with dorota: "remember, miss blair, god sees EVERYTHING."
J: ok: WHAT is dorota doing saying that? i so wanted blair to complain about the help or something.
A: dude, she’s like blair’s surrogate mom. eleanor is never around, dorota’s the closest thing she’s got to scold her.
J: this whole episode was about self-pleasure.
A: although! the end, with blair and chuck—it made me sad for them.
J: really? do you buy that? i can’t follow the through line anymore. it’s like, in lieu of actual dramatic complications, the directors just alternate their motivations every other scene.
A: i think it’s the closest those two would ever get to honesty. the takeaway is supposed to be that they’re not mature enough to not play games.
J: EXACTLY. amy, why are you so smart about gossip girl?
A: i think it’s the double-x chromosome.
J: i’m at a disadvantage. they’re still kids, they still think of sex and "love" as about "winning."
A: exactly. they act grown-up, but really, they’re still immature.
J: moving on, any deep thoughts about little j’s hair?
A: i have no deep thoughts, only superficial angry ones.
J: like?
A: it’s just…bad. like, what, overnight she goes from preppy prep-school kid to punky rocker chick? and the eyeliner and bangs are what are supposed to show that? it’s so stupid.
J: yeah. to me, that hairdo and raccoon job said "cut my rails thicker please." but i could be reading into this.
A: she’s beginning to annoy me more than serena, though still not as much as vanessa.
J: i wonder still about the imminent funeral. zero clues here.
A: yeah, unless jenny has a bad coke binge or something.
J: funny how the online gossip has me actually distracted from how plotless and conflictless the show is becoming.
A: ditto. i wonder if all of these random, seemingly disconnected subplots are leading to something else, though. Otherwise, what’s the point?
J: a ha, but now we come up to the scariest brick wall of all: what IS the point? must there be?
A: there should at least be plot. it reminds me of middle school, when we learned all of the different things that make up a story—they have the characters, they have conflict, but no plot.
J: and i think she show functions best as a childish facsimile of the way adults "behave." it needs to get into some seriously catty high school shit before it’s too late, because i don’t really want to watch gossip girl: college.
A: me neither. they work best when they have silly teen problems to deal with.
J: i just thought of the way to save the show!
A: do tell.
J: bring back the chorus of three scary park girls, and let there be a mini chuck bass. like some ninth-grade evil max rushmore who will ruin him.
A: YES.
J: in fact, let them all have doppelgängers, like "what have we spawned?" it could be a big echo chamber. or maybe that’s too charlie kaufman.
A: i doubt that’d help the cw’s ratings.
