Female mud-wrestling troupe the Mud Queens of Chicago got down and dirty last night at Reggie’s rock club as the Bad Knights (a quartet of what looked like former-D&Ders in cardboard medieval helmets) comically ripped through speed-metal riffs.

Backstage before show time, the colorfully-named cast of hard-drinking Mud Queens—among them Smother Theresa, Twisted Fister, Tinker Hell, and Andy Kaufman’s Cancer (printed on her shirt: “You can fight cancer, but you can’t beat it”)—were most of the way through a 30-pack of PBR cans. However, the troupe’s founder and ringleader Meg Bell (wrestling name: the Fulsom Prison Manhandler) was a little worried. “You can show your whole breast in public, but you can’t show nipples,” she said, wondering aloud whether the girls should should apply duct tape to their nipples before hitting the ring—you know, just in case. “No one said anything about it, so I think we’re okay,” she concluded, tipping back her head of jet-black hair toward the ceiling and taking a big gulp of beer.

Bell’s concerns were not baseless: As the bikini-clad Mud Queens pummeled each other in the ring of mire, it seemed bared nipples were unavoidable. Lucky for Bell and Reggie’s, the cops didn’t show.

Exiting the stage coated in mud (two types of art clay mixed with water), the wrestlers seemed as happy as—excuse the cliché—pigs in slop. Even the woman I saw scraping out hunks of mud from under her eyelids seemed elated. So what’s the appeal? “It’s all about loving women—and not in a sexy way,” said Resident Eva, a Northwestern student whose outfit consisted of zombie makeup and a nuclear fallout suit. Proceeds from Mud Queens events benefit the Young Women’s Empowerment Project, a local charity that helps women and girls impacted by the sex trade and street economies. “Yeah, it’s not about being sexy,” added Rainbow Bite who donned ROYGBIV thigh-high socks. “It’s actually about being hardcore, being tough and having fun having a cocktail with cool chicks.”

And for audience members who come just to see a little skin? “Those are the people,” Rainbow Bite said sneering, “who get mud thrown directly in their faces.”

Photos: Andrew Nawrocki

Jay Cutler didn’t make excuses to the media. “We’ve got a lot of work to do. We have to improve in every respect offensively possible,” he said. Cutler’s candor in today’s press conference actually warmed me up to the guy who’d gotten such a bad rap for being arrogant.

Cutler was sacked four times Sunday. Kamerion Wimbley hit Cutler so hard with a helmet-to-helmet block that Cutler spent much of the game wrapping gauze around his bloody tongue. The Bear’s QB ran five times for 32 yards and his own first downs, because his receivers couldn’t get open. That situation is setting him up to take even more blows. So naturally the media kept asking “How does it feel to get hit so much?” After a pause, Cutler responded, “I don’t know about that, I guess I’ll have to see the tapes.”

I’d imagine Cutler is thinking, Yes, it sucks that I can’t get my line to protect me. But in a team sport, that’s not a productive response. The last thing a good teammate does is start slinging blame in the press. When Lovie Smith was asked the same question about Cutler getting hit so much, Smith responded, “Jay’s not gonna complain.”

And it was at that moment that I really began to appreciate what Bears players, Cutler included, are going through right now and their efforts to maintaining unity for the greater good. You have a QB who was ranked third in passing yards last year in Cutler. You have a running back that broke franchise records in his rookie year in Matt Forte. You have a kick returner who ranks 4th in NFL history for scores on return in Devin Hester. There’s no shortage of potential, but there’s an intangible that’s missing.

You can tell this missing something is a source of frustration to the Bears. In the locker room, Alex Brown was visibly irritated when reporters repeatedly prodded him to compare this week’s and last week’s defensive performance. “Why are we still talking about last week?” he replied  curtly. Brown, though discouraged, is playing well. He broke the defense’s sack dry spell with a hit on Derek Anderson. Overall, the defense had a bad week, but Briggs, Brown, Manning and Tillman are fairly consistent. Tillman picked up a fumble forced by Mark Anderson and ran it in for a touchdown.

It must wear on solid players to have a Ferrari in the garage that drives like a Yugo once it hits the street. What is it going to take to get that engine revved up? Harder practices? A change in coaching? A new game plan all-together? Personnel is unlikely to change until the end of the season—and maintaining a positive attitude is easier said than done.

Sunday’s game marked the ten year anniversary of the death of Bears great, and arguably, one of the finest football players ever to play the game: Walter Payton. Payton was not only a phenomenally talented running back, but by all accounts from his teammates and coaches, an incredible spirit: determined, funny, uplifting, a super-star second and a devoted teammate first. Perhaps then, the timing of Payton’s tribute comes opportunely for the Bears who will need to channel all the selflessness they can in the next weeks for the greater good. No one man can carry the team on the field, but sometimes it takes a great man to inspire greatness. So let Payton’s words ring loud today and spur the Bears in their struggle, “Never die easy.”

Soldier Field, August 2009 Photo: Jamie DiVecchio Ramsay

I really thought that last week’s loss to Atlanta was about the worst I’d see the Bears play this season. Little did I know that the Cincinnati Bengals had more devastation planned for the Bears this past weekend, as they rolled over each and every Bear for a 45-10 victory. The common response from players when asked about the loss was “embarrassing.” The historically defensive machine gave up the most points in one game that is has in ten years. And to pour salt on the wounds, former first round Bears draft pick Cedric Benson rushed for a career high of 189 yards, catapulting him to the top of the entire NFL in rushing yards…too bad for the Bears that it was in black and orange, rather than navy and orange.
It’s games like this that make Chicago fans wonder what is going on inside Hallas Hall. Cedric Benson never pulled off a 100 yard game while he played for Chicago, he looked almost apathetic on the field. Kyle Orton was a mediocre quarterback during his stint as starter in 2008 and now, playing in Denver, has the 7th best quarterback rating in the league, above Tom Brady. Thomas Jones wanted to run for the Bears but the Bears traded him to keep Benson an extra year. Now Thomas Jones is close behind Benson with the number 4 spot among the league’s top rushers. Is it just a coincidence that unremarkable or second string Bears get traded to become exceptional producers for other teams?

It would be easy to say that Urlacher is injured and those filling in for him are just not that good, or it’s taking time to re-assemble the defense under a new defensive captain. But the losses don’t seem to be solely about player capability. There are some highly talented Bears that just are not thriving on this team and that has concerned fans looking to the coaching for answers.

When Bengals receiver Chad Ochocinco consistently exploited the secondary holes of the Cover 2 defense, racking up 118 yards in 10 receptions, why didn’t the Bears change up the defensive strategy? Coach Lovie Smith now personally calls the defense, so why would he set up his players to fail when the plan was clearly not working? There were examples of poor coaching calls all game. How many times can we watch 5′7″ Garrett Wolfe get run up the inside against a wall of towering defensive lineman (without any help from his own O-Line) to no avail? Wolfe’s speed has proven successful on slants, yet offensive coordinator Ron Turner continues to run him up the middle for wasted plays. These calls suggest that coaches don’t know how to play to the strengths (and weaknesses) of players. There’s a stubborn reliance on “the plays.”

After last week’s loss and Cutler’s irritating knack for throwing interceptions (7 going into this week’s game, 10 by the end), the Bears had to have known they needed to work on the run game.  But they ran the ball only 12 times against the Bengals. Sure, the Bengals rank 28th in defending the pass, but it was obvious by the third time that Cutler had been picked off and scored on by a Bengal defender, that the stat didn’t apply to this game. Why not run the ball?

The coaching staff has got to take some responsibility. Evaluation of what’s not working has to start happening sooner and the blind faith in the Tampa 2 has to go. It’s just not working. On the player side of things, the offensive line has to start protecting Cutler or we’ll be down to a second string Caleb Hanie with Cutler on IR. He is landing on his back nearly every time he throws the ball. That same line needs to start opening holes and giving Matt Forte a better shot at some yards. And finally, Hunter Hillenmeyer needs to find his way back to middle linebacker and play calling for the defense, now that he’s healthy again.

Just do it!…
Don’t Think. Run. That was the mantra at Nike’s summit, and I took it to heart. I’ve been enjoying 5Ks around town since August—and I’m running regularly, but maxing out at 6 milers—so I initially passed on the invitation to run the half marathon distance in San Fran. But as the race approached and I poked around the event website, I felt my resolve waning. It looked like a beautiful course and the website was awesome. Instead of thinking through all the reasons I wasn’t prepared, I chatted up a few of my favorite enablers—ahem, running friends—all of whom gave me the green light to just run it for fun. At the midnight hour, I begged Nike to let me in. (Note, the Nike Women’s Marathon sells out days after registration opens every March, so do not follow my slowpoke lead if you’re interested in running it in 2010.) I wasn’t thinking. I was running.

En route…
On the way to San Francisco, I was very, very happy I’d decided to run. It seemed like everyone on my plane from Chicago was heading to town to run or watch the race. The energy was contagious! Nike partners with Team in Training, which provides runners across the country with marathon coaching. In exchange, these runners raise money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society (a staggering $14 million was raised by participants in the SF race alone). TNT will always, always have a super special place in my heart because I trained for, and completed, my very first marathon with the NYC chapter in 2002.

It’s not an expo…
…It’s an expotique! Taking over Union Square in the heart of SF were the red and white tents of the race expo. Every participant wandered through in order to pick up her timing chip and race number. In keeping with the girl-power vibe, the expo featured uber-feminine bells and whistles. There were manicures. Smoothies. Chocolate samples. It was girl heaven. Across the street at the mega Niketown, runners were drinking more of the Nike Kool-Aid. In a tiny font, the names of every runner racing on Sunday, October 18 took over a massive window. There were about 19,000 women and 1,000 (brave!) men running on Sunday. Inside, the hooplah continued. The first floor brimmed with rack after rack of colorful race-themed sweatshirts, tees and more. Everywhere, buzzing women darted around, trying on new gear, shoes and accessories. Even though I have more than enough running gear at home, I couldn’t leave that hot-as-Hades, over-crowded store without a new heather-blue cotton tee logo’ed up with the race date and a red Golden Gate Bridge across the torso. I stood in line for a half an hour to buy it. So yes, I know, I’m a huge dork…but hey, race gear is half the reason I run races!

The big day…
After chugging my chocolate milk Ensure and lacing up my sneaks (Nikes, natch), I headed to the start line. There, in the darkness of early morning and in pleasant 60-something-degree air, runners giddily counted down to the 7am race start. There was hugging, stretching and plenty of cheering. I hope Nike uses the pre-race footage in a commercial, the excitement in that pack of runners was magical and sparkly—it was an inspiring scene.

And then, suddenly, we were off. A dear friend from high school was also in town to run the race, her second-ever half marathon, so I settled in next to her and focused on keeping the pace slow and easy. I let other women rocket past and tried to chill out in the midst of the circus. We headed south from Union Square to the Embarcadero, past Fisherman’s Wharf and the touristy restaurants along Pier 39. Through about mile 3, we only encountered gentle rollers—bigger stuff than we see in Chicago, but nothing crazy. We even passed a genius race check point at mile 2.5—a “coat check” where runners could toss long sleeve shirts in order to run unencumbered, and then pick them up again at the finish line. Very cool. At about that point, I decided I might be able to power through the course a little faster than I’d anticipated. I picked up the pace and wished my friend luck.

Like most races, the this-is-sooo-fun! feelings didn’t last forever. By mile 5, the euphoria of running in San Francisco on a beautiful fall morning had begun to fade into the reality of a tough, hilly course. We entered the Presidio, a beautiful park area, for the longest, steepest climb. My quads began to hum with the hard effort and I focused on looking a few feet ahead, never all the way up (up, up) to the end of the hill. At the top, a photo opp station awaited runners (with the Golden Gate Bridge breaking through the clouds and fog in the background)…not a bad spot to recover from the latest lung-searing incline.

Just past the mile 8 marker, when my legs were really beginning to whine, I got an unexpected boost. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Ramon Bermo. He was my TNT coach in NYC (seven years ago!), and was on the sidelines cheering on some of his runners. “Ramon, Ramon!” I yelled in his direction. He spun around and—get this—totally recognized me and yelled back, “Goooo Liiiiiz!” It was so, so awesome. After seeing him, I knew I was going to be okay. The next mile was my fastest of the morning. Thanks, Ramon!

I’m surprised the miles weren’t more painful, with those crazy hills, but the truth is that for every uphill, we got a glorious (quad-shredding) downhill that came with an amazing view. And there was so much stuff going on, it was like a 13.1 mile party! There were gospel singers, cheer stations, DJs, drum troupes and samba music. There were motivational signs along the way…“Run like a girl,” “Hug like a girl,” “Laugh like a girl,” etc. There were signs on the road (“You gave up sleeping in on weekends for this!”). There were oranges, bananas and Ghirardelli chocolate bars being handed out. We were spoiled rotten!

At mile 10 we came down a steep hill that gave us a magnificent view of gray waves crashing on the beach in the foggy morning dawn. It was breathtaking. At about mile 11 we split off from the marathoners. As fun and ridiculously awesome as the course was, I didn’t think my poor quivering quads could take more than one step beyond the finish line. I was very happy to be a half marathoner.

And then, the finish line at the beach. I love every finish line moment. This one was wonderfully joyful. I was thrilled my body found a way to pound out a good run for me. I was so pysched find myself enjoying running a race purely for the joy of running, not for a personal record. I loved the course. But there was more than plain ‘ol warm fuzzies to this finish. Just beyond the finish line arch, there were firemen. Wearing tuxedos. Smilingly offering every runner turquoise Tiffany boxes. (Yes, I’m serious.) Inside, I found the race medal—a silver necklace from Tiffany with the Nike swoosh and etched with the words “Run Like a Girl.” It was the kind of race (and bling) that made you very happy to be one.

Cutler’s arm seems to have beguiled Ron Turner into abandoning the run. However, the picks are coming all too frequently (Cutler’s had seven in five games) as a result of the overzealous passing. And unfortunately, Matt Forte seems to be in some kind of sophomore slump: forgetting to pick up his feet, making little headway on rushing, stepping on his own feet. The Bears are ranked 15th of the 16 teams in the NFC in rushing. Perhaps it’s not so much that Turner has forgotten the run, but that he has lost some faith in the Bears’ ability to execute it. Forte’s back-to-back fumbles in the third period cost the Bears a shot at a touchdown and didn’t help the case for the rungame. And to further complicate things, the offensive line is offering little to no help in opening holes for Forte. Whether it be a running back problem, a line problem or a problem calling from the booth remains to be seen.

Besides fumbling in the end zone, the Bears killed any forward progress with their own penalties. Earl Bennett threw his body on the line to get the ball within five yards of the end zone in the last 30 seconds of the game, only to see his harrowing catch negated by his teammate’s penalty. Veteran tackle Orlando Pace took the ball back five yards with a false start—on the heels of guard Frank Omiyale’s false-start penalty and Bennett’s offensive pass interference penalty just seconds beforehand. So the Bears voluntarily handicapped their chances to win, by bringing the ball back 20 yards in penalties in the crucial last minutes. The Falcons had to do little to keep the ball out of their own end zone.

There was a real lack of focus and precision that suggests to me a team not yet mentally returned from vacation mode.  Fortunately it’s early enough in the season that this cannot be labeled the nail in the coffin, but it certainly sets Chicago behind both Minnesota and Green Bay in the NFC North. We’re going to have to see a viable run game established and some organization in defensive play-calling for a win to emerge next week against the Bengals.

“Dear Runner Tracking Registrant,

“Active.com is aware of and has looked into the malfunction within the electronic runner tracking system that caused many updates to populate later than anticipated during Sunday’s Bank of America Chicago Marathon. For this inconvenience, we sincerely apologize.

“In reviewing the situation we found the issue was the result of technical difficulties with the Active.com system that caused significant delays in reception of messages by registered users. Active.com has identified the cause of the problem and has taken measures to ensure it does not happen again.

“It is important to note that the issue was in no way affiliated with Verizon Wireless, the sponsor of the Marathon Runner Tracking program, or the technology they provided to the event.

“Active.com has been part of the running community for more than a decade and nothing is more important to us than the events and runners. Our mission is to enable people to find events that improve their quality of life and then facilitate their participation. When we fall short of that goal, we not only let the event and runners down, we let ourselves down.

“Again, please accept our sincere apology. We greatly value the running community that trusts Active to provide reliable technology and services. We are committed to making sure your next experience utilizing this service is as seamless as possible.

“Sincerely,
“Dave Alberga
“CEO - The Active Network”

P.S. from TOC, for future reference: Always, always, always find out your runner’s predicted pace and before the race using that info to determine about when they’ll come running by. (See runner-spotting tip #2, here.) Consider the runner tracking programs many marathons offer as a bonus—if it works, great, if it doesn’t, you’re covered.

Photos: Amy Mokris

We feature a few Team M3 members in The Get this week discussing everything from their new favorite body parts to the biggest sacrifices they’ve made during the training season. Tomorrow at 10am you can hear about this amazing organization on WLUW’s Outside the Loop as I interview Stelcer about the history of Team M3, the participants and how you, too, can get involved.

1. Checked the forecast at Accuweather.com.
2. Refilled the water bottle you keep on your desk.
3. Checked the forecast at Weather.com.

May I suggest one more neurotic addition to your hourly routine? Check out our just-released Chicago Marathon feature package. We’ve got tons of awesome info for runners and fans. Click through our slide show of elites running for serious moolah, meet some hilarious (and nervous!) first-time marathoners, download the training tunes of the speediest American athletes, find food, drink and party ideas for your post-race celebration and drool over the sweetest new running apparel you’ll find at the expo and online. Plus so. Much. More. We’re super excited for Marathon Sunday here at TOC—and we’d love to count down to the start gun with you.