AROUND TOWN - Magnificent Mile Lights Festival
Watching 1 million lights flicker on from Oak Street to Wacker Drive at 5:30pm is only part of this fest. The celebration starts early with a concert at 11am by Justin Roberts, Mitchel Musso and the Plain White Ts. Other events from 5–10pm include a lights procession with streetside entertainment, an attempt to break the world record for the largest group of holiday carolers, appearances by Mickey Mouse, and a fireworks display  over the Chicago River. Area stores keep extended hours to coax revelers to get a head start on their holiday shopping. Pioneer Court, 401 N Michigan Ave (312-409-5560, magnificentmilelightsfestival.com). 11am–10pm.

COMEDY - Audacity of Nope or How I Fell for a Pansy Scheme
Sketch troupe Gayco takes satirical swipes at same-sex marriage, religious-based bigotry and FOX News in this queer-themed show.

ART & DESIGN - “James Welling: Hapax Legomena.”
The L.A. photographer, who was featured in the 2008 Whitney Biennial, shows 30 works from various stages of his career. Donald Young Gallery, 224 S Michigan Ave, suite 266. 5–7pm. FREE!

NIGHTLIFE - Dimes & Dozens
Local, hipster culture website Rubyhornet.com teams with L.A. institution Dubfrequency for this monthly, indie hip-hop-centric night at Lava. For this edition Cool Kids top the bill with DJ VIPJ on the decks and MC Mikey Rocks playing host. DJs RTC and HeroGeorge are also on hand. Lava. 10pm, $5.

Organic School Project is hosting its Fall Harvest Dinner/Fundraiser. G0 and enjoy the seasonal fare prepared by chefs from Rockit, Foodlife and Goose Island. Kick off the season right. Leslie Hall, 1111 N Wells St (purchase tickets). 6–8pm, $40.

The Beaujolais Nouveau is out. Get your fill at Brasserie Jo. Order it by the glass ($8) or the bottle ($39) while you enjoy the chef’s special beef bourguignon pairing. 59 W Hubbard (brasseriejo.com, 312-595-0800).

Saturday 21
La Madia is promoting lazy Saturday afternoons by hosting a Wine and Cheese Class. Sit back and enjoy lunch (pizza and salad) while you learn about holiday entertaining, wine and cheese (you get to eat/drink the wine and cheese too). After all that relaxing, who wants to throw a holiday party anyway? 59 W Grand Ave (dinelamadia.com, call to make your reservation: 312-329-0400). 11am–1pm, $30.

Center on Halsted (serves as a catalyst for the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender communities that links and provides community resources, and enriches life experiences) is hosting a Potluck Thanksgiving Party. Show up with our favorite appetizer or dessert and learn more about their programs. 3656 N Halsted (centeronhalsted.org, call for reservations: 773-472-6469). 3–6pm, FREE.

If you are hitting up the 18th Annual Lights Festival with the kids, head over to Osteria Via Stato for dinner. The restaurant is serving up The Famous Italian Dinner Party menu (aka family style). Kids will dine for half the price. 620 N State (osteriaviastato.com, 312-642-8450). 5–9:30pm. $24.95–$38.95 (full price).

Know the ins and out of beer? How about the ABCs? Check out The Globe Pub’s Beer: A-Z event. Bar-goers will actually taste one beer for every letter of the alphabet while learning some beer basics from Eric Hobbs of Goose Island Brewery. Just make sure you can still say your ABCs at the end of the night. 934 W Irving Park Rd (purchase tickets). 6–9pm, $40.

Take the kids to visit the pickle tree at The Berghoff. In honor of the Bavaria-American tradition, kids can look for the pickle ornament on the holiday tree. Kids who spot it, win a root beer float (and a year of good luck). And you thought we were joking. 17 W Adams (312-427-3170).

If you’re o.k. with sketchy details, a shocker of a dinner and BYOB, then X-marx is for you. Check out this underground dining experience at a place unknown (that is until you sign up).  We do know there will be seven(+) courses, but that’s all we got. (purchase tickets) 7–11pm, $95.

Stop by the Hotel InterContinental and warm up at the Lights Festival with some hot chocolate ($1) or roasted chestnuts ($4). Corner of Illinois St and Michigan Ave. noon–6pm.

One last Lights Festival stop before the end of the night: FREE cupcakes at more. Enough said. 1 E Delaware Pl (312-951-0001). 7–9pm.

Sunday 22
Hosting Thanksgiving…not a clue where to begin? Check out A New Dawn’s class at Whole Foods. They’ll point you in the right direction (demos, tastings, BYOB). 1550 N Kingsbury (purchase tickets). 6:30pm, $45.

Learning how to make pasta sounds like a perfect way to spend a Sunday afternoon (note: Bears play at night). Make reservations for the how-to class at Quartino. A Sunday with pasta tasting, wine and a new cookbook in hand who needs football anyway? 626 N State (reservations required: 312-698-5000). 1–2:30pm, $24.95.

Need some brioche? Learn how to make it yourself. Head over to le Flour for the tutorial. Best use: French Toast 6701  Olmsted (make reservations: 773-631-1400).  2–4pm, $25.

Upgrade the lousy movie popcorn and soda to a prix-fixe wine dinner at BIN 36. The movie: Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner? Dinner and a movie just got way better.  339 N Dearborn (call for reservations: 312-755-9463). 6pm, $48.

Karen O at All Tomorrow's Parties, Photo: Leigh Johnson

FILM/MUSIC - All Tomorrow’s Parties
The independent-oriented music festival, founded by Barry Hogan in 1999 as an alternative weekend getaway to larger, increasingly corporate festivals, doesn’t go for sponsorship logos and has allowed artists to act as curators, selecting their favorite acts to play on the bill for festivals held in spots with common live-in quarters for bands, fans and industry. ATP (also a record label now) pioneered the Don’t Look Back concept of artists playing classic albums in their entirety. This kaleidoscope DIY concert film features performances from Battles, Sonic Youth, Belle and Sebastian, Iggy and the Stooges, Portishead, and others. One night only. Otherwise, you’re stuck renting it on DVD with your buds. Facets Cinematheque, 11:30pm, $9.

THEATER - Rewind
When playwright Laura Eason was serving as Lookingglass Theatre’s artistic director in the mid-’90s (she’s still an ensemble member), she was also gigging at the Bottle and Cubby Bear fronting a power-pop band called Tart. Eason’s play Rewind, about a fictional band navigating the indie scene, debuts tonight at the side project. the side project theatre, 8pm, $18.

MUSIC - Brendan Benson
Brendan Benson success with the Raconteurs has led to a wider audience, bigger label and better producer for his latest solo trip across the ’70s AM-radio dial, My Old, Familiar Friend. Catch Benson downtown at the Apple Store on Michigan Ave for a free 6:30pm set before he heads uptown to Lincoln Park. Lincoln Hall, 10pm, $20.

SHOPPING & STYLE - Robin Richman anniversary
This Bucktown store has aged like fine wine: It just keeps getting better—and its customers are as loyal as they come. Stop in for a cocktail between 5–8pm, or come any time today for a 20% discount in honor of the store’s 12th (you read that right) anniversary. 2108 N Damen Ave (773-278-6150). El: Blue to Damen. Bus: 50, 56, 72. 10am–8pm.

NIGHTLIFE - Audion: Hecatomb
Matthew Dear has already done his fair share to further the cause of boundary-pushing techno. With Audion, Matthew Dear’s Big Hands and productions under his own name, most producers would have left if that. Not Dear, instead he’s upped the ante yet again with Hecatomb, an audio-visual performance he’s created with the help of graphic design and artist pals Will Calcutt and Eno Henze. The set consists of Dear, in his Audion guise, knocking the dance floor senseless with his punchy techno while kaleidoscopic pinwheel projections flood the dance floor in technicolor. Sounds like it’s the closest you’ll get to a psychedelic experience without the drugs. Smart Bar. 10pm; $12, $10 before midnight.

See? They're working on it.

Everybody just calm down a minute: The extremely anthropomorphic, vaguely sexual, highly entertaining and somewhat disturbing mural that you’ve seen countless times at Jake’s Pup in the Ruf is not—I repeat, not—gone forever. I know, because yesterday I called Jake and asked him why the mural wasn’t there anymore.

“Because we took it down,” he said. “Why? Who wants to know?”

Then he answered his own question by saying, sarcastically: “It’s only been on there for 49 years.”

In the half-decade the mural has been up it had gotten a little shoddy, so Jake wanted to refresh it. I suppose this is a good thing for  Jake’s, Jake’s customers and also people like me, who have never actually stepped foot inside of Jake’s, but rather treated it more like public art. But there is always that worry when iconic things get updated that things will change, maybe get a little more contemporary. What I’m saying is, I don’t want to see any Obama references on this window, you know? I want to see more dancing hot dogs.

Luckily, before Jake rushed off the phone, he told me that the mural, when completed, would be exactly the same as what it was. Only now, he said, “it’s going to be perfect.”

How to Disappear Completely and Never Be Found

THEATER - How to Disappear Completely and Never Be Found
A bloke has the ultimate identity crisis in Brit playwright Fin Kennedy’s smart, unsettlingly funny play. Carlo Garcia leads a shapeshifting ensemble in the Midwest premiere. Mary-Arrchie Theatre at Angel Island, 8pm, $18–$22.

MUSIC - Ouled Bambara: Portraits of Gnawa Release Party
Drag City hosts a release party/screening for this fascinating CD/DVD set documenting the Gnawa—a North African sect of Sufi musicians merging West African culture and Islamic mysticism. Intuit: The Center for Intuitive and Outsider Art, 6:30pm, FREE!

FILM/AROUND TOWN - Cinema Slapdown: I’m Not There
Columbia’s riotous Cinema Slapdown, in which a film is screened and then two people debate its merits, is back with Todd Haynes’ I’m Not There, which should never ever be described as a biopic about Bob Dylan. It’s a meditation on aspects of Dylan’s persona and career. WXRT personality Terri “Solid rock!” Hemmert and WGN radio’s Garry Meier debate Todd Haynes’s film I’m Not There after it screens. Ron Falzone, a Columbia Film & Video faculty member, moderates. Columbia College, Film Row Cinema, 1104 S Wabash Ave, eighth floor (312-369-6708). 7–10pm. FREE!

GAY & LESBIAN - Love Potion No. 9
Kit Kat celebrates its nine-year anniversary with an open bar (woo-hoo!) and Bahamian vacation raffle giveaway. Kit Kat Lounge, 3700 N Halsted St (773-525-1111). El: Red to Addison. Bus: 8, 152. 5:30pm. FREE!

SHOPPING & STYLE - Chicago-based designer accessory trunk show
Show your local love by checking out this two-day exhibition of Chicago designers’ wares. Find looks by lines such as Elda de la Rosa Couture, Double Stitch, Dana Reed and others. Macy’s, 111 N State St (312-781-1000, macys.com). El: Red to Lake; Blue to Washington. Brown, Orange, Purple (rush hrs) to State/Lake. Thu 19, Fri 20, 10am–6pm.

BOOKS - Jonathan Safran Foer

THEATER - Lunatic(a)s
The ladies of Teatro Luna revisit and revise their 2007 hit about la luna and the little bit of crazy in all of us. Read our review of the original. Teatro Luna at Chicago Dramatists, 7:30pm, $15–$20.

MUSIC - Brother Ali
The albino rapper represents the Rhymesayers formula and he’s a refreshingly positive voice in today’s game. Metro, $15, 9pm, 18 and older.

AROUND TOWN/CLASSICAL - Beers and Baritones
Leave the tuxes at home for this informal opera evening. Featuring performances by soprano Leila Bowie and baritone Martin Woods of the Chicago Opera Theater’s Young Artists Program, this might be the only time when you can catch some red-hot opera, swig a beer and nosh some appetizers all at the same time. Music, beer, wine and finger foods are included with tickets. Rock Bottom Restaurant and Brewery, 1 W Grand Ave (312-704-8414, chicagooperatheater.org). 6–8pm, $25.

ART & DESIGN - “The Hydroacoustic Show”
Artist Ben Russell curates an evening of aquatic films and videos by Pipilotti Rist and six others. Gallery 400, UIC, 400 S Peoria St. 7pm. FREE!

Female mud-wrestling troupe the Mud Queens of Chicago got down and dirty last night at Reggie’s rock club as the Bad Knights (a quartet of what looked like former-D&Ders in cardboard medieval helmets) comically ripped through speed-metal riffs.

Backstage before show time, the colorfully-named cast of hard-drinking Mud Queens—among them Smother Theresa, Twisted Fister, Tinker Hell, and Andy Kaufman’s Cancer (printed on her shirt: “You can fight cancer, but you can’t beat it”)—were most of the way through a 30-pack of PBR cans. However, the troupe’s founder and ringleader Meg Bell (wrestling name: the Fulsom Prison Manhandler) was a little worried. “You can show your whole breast in public, but you can’t show nipples,” she said, wondering aloud whether the girls should should apply duct tape to their nipples before hitting the ring—you know, just in case. “No one said anything about it, so I think we’re okay,” she concluded, tipping back her head of jet-black hair toward the ceiling and taking a big gulp of beer.

Bell’s concerns were not baseless: As the bikini-clad Mud Queens pummeled each other in the ring of mire, it seemed bared nipples were unavoidable. Lucky for Bell and Reggie’s, the cops didn’t show.

Exiting the stage coated in mud (two types of art clay mixed with water), the wrestlers seemed as happy as—excuse the cliché—pigs in slop. Even the woman I saw scraping out hunks of mud from under her eyelids seemed elated. So what’s the appeal? “It’s all about loving women—and not in a sexy way,” said Resident Eva, a Northwestern student whose outfit consisted of zombie makeup and a nuclear fallout suit. Proceeds from Mud Queens events benefit the Young Women’s Empowerment Project, a local charity that helps women and girls impacted by the sex trade and street economies. “Yeah, it’s not about being sexy,” added Rainbow Bite who donned ROYGBIV thigh-high socks. “It’s actually about being hardcore, being tough and having fun having a cocktail with cool chicks.”

And for audience members who come just to see a little skin? “Those are the people,” Rainbow Bite said sneering, “who get mud thrown directly in their faces.”

Photos: Andrew Nawrocki

ART & DESIGN - “Italics: Italian Art Between Tradition and Revolution 1968–2008.”
On Tuesdays, the MCA’s new Italian art show is open late and free. Bravo! Museum of Contemporary Art, 220 E Chicago Ave. 10am–8pm. FREE!

MUSIC - Marissa Nadler + Alela Diane
Oddball neo-psyche folkie Alela Diane is a perfect match for Marissa Nadler, whose own ethereal take on folk has a way of sneaking up and nestling in your brain like a subconscious ghost with mysterious intentions. Schubas, 8pm, $12.

NIGHTLIFE - Syrup
Zebo and Major Taylor may spend most of their time playing club tunes to the weekend warrior set, but they don’t let that define who they are as DJs. Taking to the earth-friendly confines of Butterfly Social Club every third Tuesday of the month, the duo dedicates the evening to the slow and low tempos, playing lovey and mellow jams all night long.
Butterfly Social Club, 10pm. FREE!

THEATER - Emergency
Playwright-performer Daniel Beaty portrays more than 40 characters in his Obie-winning solo show, in which a phantom slave ship rises out of the Hudson in front of Lady Liberty. Hal & Martha Hyer-Wallis Theater, Northwestern University, 7pm, $30.