It’s free agency time in the NBA, which means information leaks have sprung like a sprinkler in summer, and you can trust everything you hear about as much as you can trust a Drudge report. I’ve always thought the kind of people who Dick Cheney enlists in his secret ops should also negotiate major sports contracts. The combination of secrecy, misdirection and bungling is perfect resumé filler.

The latest scuttlebutt—depending on the minute—has it that Jazz power forward Carlos Boozer may be headed to the Bulls in a three-way deal with the Portland Trailblazers. The Bulls would have to give up Captain Kirk and Ty Thomas (who, I regret to report, is on Twitter leave) to make it happen, and the chattering class seems to think this is the answer. The Bulls have been aching for a low-post presence since some hyperbolic example of a long time ago, and Boozer is a beast in the post. But it’s a bad idea for so many reasons, and the fact that the Bulls would even be interested in it speaks to their toddling approach to building a team.

First: Let’s all admit Boozer is the kind of player who’s perfect for the Bulls. Check out his 2008-2009 Hot Spots—which tracks where on the court a player shoots—courtesy of NBA.com. The man lives more in the paint than Jackson Pollack:

It’s been true for years that the Bulls have needed someone who does what Boozer does, it’s just unfortunate that Boozer doesn’t actually do it all that often. The man’s only played four full seasons, missing significant time in three others due to injury. He’s also—how do I say this tactfully?—not the kind of guy you can count on. He’s pretty much the only one who believes that he didn’t screw the Cavs in 2004, and when he got hurt early in 2008, he kept the spotlight on himself as he talked about how he was going to opt out after the 2008-09 season. But then he came back, warmed up slowly, pouted that backup power forward Paul Millsap proved to be just as good, and never really caught a rhythm. So he didn’t opt out, leaving the Jazz on the hook for $10 million next year.

Now, I’m not one to believe it’s possible to know the character of a professional athlete who I’ve never interacted with, and who lives a completely different life than I ever have. So I’m not hanging my argument solely on some 2004 gripes. The very real basketball question for the Bulls is: Do we really want to rent Boozer’s 50-60 2009-10 games, and in the process lose Hinrich and Ty? Two years ago, I’d say sure, but the days of the Bulls’ guard glut are over. Duhon’s gone to the Knicks, Sefolosha’s on the Thunder, and dearly departed Ben Gordon got paid by the Pistons. Now we have Rose, Hinrich and Salmons as our only true NBA guards (I’m not counting recent signees Pargo and Hunter, who would do well to seek contracts in Europe). Lose Hinrich, and you’re handing old-man Hunter 20 minutes? Can his heart take that?

And if you make this trade, what kind of team are you fielding next year? You have Rose, who will miss dishing to Gordon, and Boozer, who will give you some solid on-nights. Salmons is off a career year and is now a year older, and who knows how many games you’ll get out of Luol Deng? You no longer have your most dynamic shot blocker (Ty) or your best perimeter defender (Captain Kirk), and you still have Vinny Del Negro coaching. At some point, the Bulls need to pick a path. They cannot simply keep amassing decent talent (Paxson was lucky to fall into the #1 pick last year and land the transcendent Rose) and playing as the eighth or ninth best team in the conference. I see no plan here, just a lot of good players who never become great (except for Gordon, who’s gone), and a phenom who needs help. And that’s not getting into the failure of the Bulls to bring Thomas to the next level.

Once upon a time, I would have loved to have traded Hinrich for Boozer. But Hinrich’s defensive play has made him more valuable both to the team and as a potential blockbuster trade asset. And the truth is, Boozer is no king, he’s an empty figurehead, and without a supporting cast, the Bulls would follow him not to a new era of enlightenment, but to another seventh seed in the Eastern Conference.