I’ve always said no good can come from bowling, and now I have proof. Or “proof.”

Here are five things to do today:

FILM - Fargo
A lot of people think the broad Minnesota accents and the sheer doltery of the characters is mean-spirited, but so what? Who says a film can’t operate under the assumption that all humans are boobs led by their desires to their bitter ends? And if we can laugh at them, all the better. You betcha. 7, 9:30pm. Doc Films, University of Chicago, 1212 E 59th St between Kimbark and Woodlawn Aves (773-702-8574). Bus: 4 (24hrs), X4, 14, 28, 59, 171. Metra: Elec Main to 59th St. $4, Sunday matinee $3.

GAY & LESBIAN - Bitch to Quit
Be fine in ‘09 by kicking the smoking habit for good with this seven-week program. 6:30pm. Howard Brown Health Center, 4025 N Sheridan Rd at Irving Park Rd (773-388-8682). El: Red to Sheridan. Bus: 80 Irving Park Rd, 151 Sheridan (24hrs). FREE!

MUSIC - Immediate Sound: Indigo Trio
The three AACM all-stars of the Indigo Trio play two sets at the new year’s first installment of Immediate Sound. Drummer Hamid Drake and bassist Harrision Bankhead have long made up one of the funkiest, earthiest rhythm sections in all of jazz, and the presence of flutist Nicole Mitchell opens their sound to more mystical textures. With Drake so often on tour, this hometown performance is a rare chance to see the group live. Gallery owner John Corbenn and bassist Josh Abrams spin. 9:30pm. Hideout, 1354 W Wabansia Ave between Elston Ave and Throop St (773-227-4433, hideoutchicago.com). Bus: 72 North, 73 Armitage. $10.

SPAS, FITNESS AND HEALTH - Women’s self-defense class
Whether you live in Pleasantville or Scary City, brushing up on some self-defense skills is never a bad idea. In tonight’s free class, Thousand Waves Martial Arts & Self-Defense Center instructors will teach students skills such as mental strategies to help you think clearly under stress, plus assertive communication and positioning strategies to reduce your vulnerability. 6:30–8:30pm. REI, 1466 N Halsted St between Blackhawk and Eastman Sts (312-951-6020). El: Red to North/Clybourn. Bus: 8 Halsted, 72 North. FREE!

THEATER - The Emperor Jones
Making its Chicago debut as the kickoff of the Goodman’s highly anticipated Eugene O’Neill fest, the Wooster Group’s version of O’Neill’s tale of a delusional West Indian egomaniac features a blackfaced Kate Valk in the title role. Elizabeth LeCompte directs. 7:30pm. The Wooster Group at Goodman Theatre, 170 N Dearborn St between Randolph and Lake Sts (312-443-3800). El: Red, Brown, Green, Orange, Pink, Purple (rush hrs) to State/Lake; Blue to Washington. $45.