By now, you’ve likely seen or heard about this past week’s issue, wherein we proclaimed that real estate tycoon and reality television star Donald Trump bought Time Out Chicago, and was instituting some bold new changes. We had a lot of fun putting the issue together and enjoyed getting a jump on April Fool’s Day.

We even extended the gag to the blog, with a series of fake posts from The Donald, and some fake news stories. We figured everyone would have a good laugh over it.

Little did we know so many people would think it was actually true.

So for the record:

Crain’s: We’re still owned by Tony Elliot and Co. But if that changes, you’ll be the first one we tell. Though we’ll understand if you want to see a bill of sale first.

James Lipton: At first, we thought we were being fooled when someone claiming to be your lawyer called about our faux-review of Wicked. Thanks for going along with the gag.

Real estate speculators: To the best of our knowledge, Donald Trump is not building a second tower. Please stop calling their offices.

The very small nexus of fans of both Speed Racer and Thai director Apichatpong Weerasethakul: Sorry to disappoint you but he’s not directing the sequel.

Stage Time Magazine: No one is building a comedy club in the food court at the Thompson Center. The name "Handsy Butterscotch" didn’t clue you in?

Various congregants of the Orthodox Diocese of Chicago: The Holy Trinity Orthodox Cathedral is not being torn down to make way for condos. It will remain a house of the Lord, not a house of yuppies.

To those looking to achieve physical fitness: Multiplex Health and Fitness Club is a fabulous place to work out, as are the rest of the Formula Fitness Clubs. And under no circumstances should you window-shop there or engage in anything other than a schvitz in their steam rooms.

To the rest of our readers, we make this solemn vow: Time Out Chicago will never again write anything funny. Just like the other 51 weeks a year.

We promise.