I stopped by Schwa this morning to get a copy of the menu that chef Carlson* and crew are serving to the big wigs for tonight’s close-down (they’re all in town to celebrate Charlie Trotter’s 20th Anniversary), and, not surprisingly, there was no actual printed menu. While Atmosphere (the indie hip-hop torch bearers) was blasting out of the tiny space’s speakers, Carlson was hopping around the 100-degree kitchen doing five things at once and telling me that there’s no paper menu for El Bulli’s Ferran Adria and crew—they’ll just have to be surprised.

While he was peeling blue latex off a corn cob (which he’ll use as a mold to form chili-spiked corn puree into cob-like replicas), he rattled off all 14 dishes to be served tonight. Those who’ve dined at Schwa—quite arguably the best restaurant in Chicago and definitely the best restaurant in the country without a wine program—will recognize these dishes as a sort of greatest hits. Those who haven’t dined at Schwa, well, just get your ass in there.

1. An amuse-bouche "where beets meet chocolate"

2. Oysters rolled in oatmeal and lightly fried, served on a spoonful of cooked oatmeal studded with raisins and drizzle with maple syrup

3. Elotes, done Schwa-style (pictured above)

4. Pad thai, but instead of traditional glass noodles, strands of jellyfish are used to absorb the lime, peanut and cilantro flavors

5. Quail-egg ravioli topped with shaved white truffles

6. "Pine cone," a tiny housemade cone is filled with yuzu-rosemary-juniper pudding ("tastes like pine to me," Carlson says) topped by a scoop of uni (sea urchin) ice cream and pink peppercorn

7. Avocado, cauliflower and golden trout caviar (Carlson says "the man [Grant Achatz] turned me onto this caviar…it’s from Idaho but it’s sick, dude, it’s so fucking good.")

8. Spanish mackerel with zucchini flower, zucchini puree and rosewater yogurt

9. Tripe brioche panzanella (yep, that’s a bread salad with stomach lining)

10. Sauteed sweetbreads with green cardamom marshmallow and smoked plum

11. Lamb loin with green curry, Israeli couscous and a shot of housemade rootbeer

12. Savory Humboldt Fog cheesecake with a layer of black truffle and a crust of crushed walnuts and grains of paradise

13. Rhubarb puree, honey sorbet and chamomile agar cubes (think diced jello that tastes like chamomile tea)

14. Soft pretzels (which the sous chef Blake is currently making over in HotChocolate’s kitchen) with beer foam, turmeric ice cream and caramel-filled dates that are rolled in crunchy toasted pretzel "crumbs" 

* In the interest of full disclosure, my personal relationship with Carlson prohibits me from reviewing them or awarding star-ratings in any way since TOC critics maintain their anonymity for the purpose of fair food reviews.