Today is allegedly the big day when those who follow such things are supposed to be watching the “showdown” between Kanye and 50 Cent’s respective album sales, but the ultimate point is getting lost in the shuffle.  Anyone who can be bothered to care knows it’s a sales ploy that’s at least as old as the Beatles vs. Stones rivalry with the winner being declared before the day begins.  That is to say: everybody. Normally such empty competition would bug me, but I can’t remember the last time I was at least mildly interested in the actual release date of an album. And for people who see music as the most vital and telling part of a culture, it’s a virtual Rosetta Stone of the conflict between record labels, music audiences, the role of media in marketing, and Internet culture.

Here are five things to do today, and if you don’t do any of them, I’m going to retire from the music business.

ART & DESIGN - Artist-in-Residence Talk: Chris Millar
Canadian artist Chris Millar “reads from” his painting “Eddie got Borsched,” which chronicles a missing episode of “Frasier” in which Dr. Crane transforms into a werewolf. Influenced by comic books, punk, television, the art world and pop culture, Millar’s work redefines the relationship between text and image. 7:30pm. ThreeWalls, 119 North Peoria St, #2a (312-432-3972, three-walls.org). Bus: 20 Madison (24hrs); Bus: 8 Halsted; El: Blue to UIC-Halsted. FREE!

ART & DESIGN - Voices: Chris Henson and Hendrika Sonnenberg
Brooklyn-based artists Hanson and Sonnenberg — alums of UIC and the SAIC, respectively — have been collaborating for 15 years. They’re best known for carefully crafted sculptures of recognizable objects (such as a Zamboni) made out of unexpected materials. 5pm. Gallery 400, University of Illinois at Chicago, 400 S Peoria St (312-996-6114, uic.edu/aa/college/gallery400). El: Blue to UIC/Halsted. Bus: 7, 8, 12, 60 (24hrs). FREE!

GAY & LESBIAN - Off Chances
Not bursting at the seams with queer peeps per se, but if you’re looking for a chill place to hang (and on a Tuesday we’re guessing you will be), this monthly event still packs a nice gay vibe, even if it is a mellow one. 10pm. Danny’s Tavern, 1961 W Dickens Ave at Damen Ave (773-489-6457). El: Blue to Damen. Bus: 50 Damen, 73 Armitage.

MUSIC - Sirens of Song: Dee Alexander’s Tribute to Nina Simone and Dinah Washington
This concert got rained out, so it was reassembled for this show. Simone and Washington were two regal divas, and the differences between them add up to a difficult balancing act for a performer aiming to pay equal tribute to both. Simone’s earthiness rubs up roughly against Washington’s patrician bearing. Such challenges are fun for performers, so expect Alexander to live it up as she addresses it. 6:30-8:30pm Millennium Park, Pritzker Pavilion, 205 E Randolph St.

SPORTS - Tuesday Night Fall Euchre League
Since Tuesday Night Football hasn’t been invented yet, we know you’ve got to be looking for something to do with your evenings after all the NFL action has played out. Why not try your hand at euchre, the card game named for the famed Brewers announcer Bob Uecker? (Okay, we’re making that one up.) Each week you’ll play a best of five as you try to win swag from Sedgwick’s. Sedgwick’s Bar & Grill, 1935 N Sedgwick St between Wisconsin and Armitage Aves (312-337-7900, sedgwicks1@aol.com). Bus: 11, 22 (24hrs), 36, 73. $40 per 2–3 person team.