In the near future, when reality television implodes into itself, there will be some kind of Real Housewives of Orange County–Biggest Loser hybrid, in which superfit, Botoxed women compete for Marc Jacobs bags by racing through a pile of dogshit and sand, and overweight people watch these frantic women from helicopters, while lazily talking into their cell-phones in their color-coordinated sports bras. In the meantime, there’s DietTribe, premiering tonight at 9pm on Lifetime, which seems to have taken the boringest elements from both reality shows and combined them into a five-episode weep-fest.

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If you missed last year’s No Pants Ride on the CTA, mark your calendar for this Saturday, January 10 (via stevekrzysiak). Here are some pictures from last year’s event.

And here are five things to do today. Pants definitely not optional.

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This week, we looked at the ways your already meager salary will be stretched thin this year, with the city levying additional taxes and fees on sporting events and cultural performances, library books, parking meters and CTA fares.

The CTA Tattler does us one better this morning by figuring out how much of a fare increase you’ll incur based on whether you use the Chicago Card Plus, the 30-day pass, transit cards or cash. CCP users take a big hit thanks to the loss of the 20% bonus, but if you park and ride you’ll get hit the worst thanks to increased parking fees at all CTA lots.

If you’re already finding yourself extra-broke this year, check out our lists of this week’s free and cheap events.

I’ll admit, I haven’t wholly recovered from the holiday break, so I was looking for something simple to distract me at work today. Hang Stan is really nothing work than a pork-infused rendition of hangman, but what can I say, I like the little cartoon pig.

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This week’s featured shot from the TOC Flickr photo group comes to us from darling.clandestine.

We’re still getting back up to speed after our holiday break, so please forgive the shorter-than-normal things to do list for this weekend. We’ll be back at full force next weekend. To make up for it, all of these events are free.

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We’re still on official hiatus until Friday, but this image was worth taking a break from my break.

The glory you see above was featured in a recent United Neighborhood Organization e-mail newsletter. The group works in Chicago’s Hispanic neighborhoods on issues of violence and school overcrowding. Here’s the story behind it:

“UNO’s Veterans Memorial School Campus (pictured above) is located at 4248 W. 47th St. in Chicago’s Archer Heights Community. You may recall that last year Blagojevich pulled millions of dollars of funding from this project. To date, the school construction remains unfinished.”

The school opened in October, despite the unfinished construction. It’s just one of the many projects and agencies affected by Governor Hairdo’s state budget cuts, including 179 positions at the Department of Children and Family Services and 73 at the Department of Human Services. So when the Gov talks about fighting for the children of the state of Illinois, this must be what he means: Fighting to keep them from the twin scourges of education and basic protections.

Keep in mind, this was the state of Blago governance before all the recent craziness (Speaking of: Bobby Rush, shame on you. We may have to revisit your status on the heroes list.)

Thanks to KitMueller for the tip.

Instead of getting drunk and hoping for the best like most stupid saps, why not ring in the New Year staying sober and contemplating reality? No, I’m not offering a seat at a zen retreat. What I’m suggesting is that you pay a visit to Marissa Perel’s uptown apartment and observe all or part of her 24-hour performance.

Performer and author Perel is taking part in Freedom of Information, an endurance event being performed simultaneously by dancers in 32 states throughout the country. The event is organized by NYC-based choreographer Miguel Gutierrez and is conceived as an act of solidarity with war refugees and others who are suffering from the lack of a place to rest and call home.

Today through midnight of the New Year, Perel and her partner Steve May will be blindfolded and ear-plugged, continually moving and writing in her apartment for 24 hours as a reflection-meditation-protest-ritual. You are invited to visit at any time throughout the duration of the event. The address is 4528 N. Damen Ave. Apt. 2A, Chicago, IL 60625. Ring the buzzer that says: PEREL/ DEBOER.

For more information, e-mail perelparole at gmail.com.

Still need last minute New Year’s plans? Read our guide.

With Sunday’s 31-24 to loss to the Houston Texans, the Bears wrote themselves out of athe post-season. In spite of buckets of good luck and second chances falling in their laps, the Bears could not secure this last, most critical game of the season.

I could talk about the two unforgivable missed catches by Marty Booker. I could expound on the missed tackles in the secondary in Mike Brown’s absence. I could harp on Kyle Orton’s inability to complete a pass beyond 20 yards. But rather than belabor the shortcomings of this game, let’s talk about the bad taste that this season’s mediocre performance left in the mouths of every frustrated Chicago fan, and the problems that begin at the coaching level.

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Posting will be light to non-existent over the next week as the TOC offices will be closing today for our annual holiday break. But look for your daily 5 things posts as well as random bits of effluvia at least through this weekend.

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Dance the jitterbug, American swing or Lindy: Any way you cut it, this week’s Freebie lets you get your new year off on the right foot, and save a few nickel notes to boot.

Dance instructor Eddie Caplan calls on all hep cats and queens to come out and cut a rug at his new, weekly East Coast Swing Dance Classes at Chief O’Neill’s Pub. Every Wednesday—except Christmas Eve—lessons kick of at 7pm, followed by a night of dancing to big band, jump blues, Vegas Lounge and other classic subgenres. The next installment, on December 31, comes as part of the bar’s New Year’s Eve programming, with a special start time of 8pm. The joint’s sure to be jumpin’ so be there or be square, Daddy-O.

(3471 N Elston Ave, 773-473-5263)